Who Am I?
by erinjeni
Summary: Bella has a pretty normal life for an 18 year old. What happens when she wakes up at a hospital one day, at the age of 23, with no recollection of the last 5 years of her life? Yeah, what a mess.
1. How Did This Happen?

**A/N:** New Story :) The plot is similar to Remember Me? by Sophia Kinsella, but it definitely will not be the same. Just a few things here and there apart from the main idea. Have fun. :)

Chapter 1: What Happened?

BPOV

"Are you sure you want to do this, Bella?" Jessica asked me as we drove around La Push.

"Yeah, Bella, I'm kind of nervous about this…," Angela said while biting here nails.

"Yes! I am pumped! This will be great. Trust me," I said animatedly. Jacob's Rabbit passed us on the road. Him and his buddies were whistling and yelling out the window at us. They rounded a curve ahead of us and were out of sight. "Plus, Jake and all of his friends will be going first. They'll be at the bottom if anything goes wrong," I said, reassuring them.

"Okay, but I'm not guaranteeing that I'll be going through with this. I'll be up there to support you though," Angela said. Jessica nodded in agreement.

"Me too. But I'll probably be staying at the bottom of the cliff. I am not really sure about this whole thing," Jessica acquiesced. I rounded the same curve as Jake and saw them a few blocks ahead of us. I was definitely sure about this. I'd been looking forward to this all winter. Finally, summer 2004 has graced us with its presence and I could do this. I could cliff dive.

Jacob had done this a million times and he promised me last November, when we first started going out, that he would take me. I didn't actually like Jake all too much, but he was there for me… sometimes and he's really fun. Well, sometimes more fun than I'd like him to be, but fun nonetheless.

"Fine. You guys can miss out on all the fun, then. It will be a shame, really. I'll be going before either of you. That will give you time to think it over. Sometimes you just have to… jump," I looked over at Jessica and Angela. "I'm speaking figuratively and literally in this case." They both chuckled and Jessica spoke up.

"I'll think about it. We'll see what happens when I'm actually up there on the cliff. On the very high cliff…," she said nervously. I laughed.

"Don't look down. It won't help," I said as I rounded another corner.

"That's gunna be a little hard, Bella," Angela said with a laugh. "I hope the view is good at least."

"You guys don't have to do it, you know. I don't wanna make you do something you don't want to do. I just want some friends there to witness this marvelous event," I said. Jake pulled over ahead of me and everyone was getting out of the car. They were all wearing their bathing suits. At least it wouldn't be just me and Jake jumping.

I pulled my truck over right behind Jake's Rabbit, effectively silencing the loud roar from the engine. I looked over at Jessica and Angela. "Ready?" I asked eagerly.

They both looked at each other and shrugged. I laughed and got out of my truck. Oh those La Push boys and their bodies… hot. Jake had the best body though. I almost wanted to jump him as he jogged over to me.

"Like what you see?" he asked as he came up next to me.

"Eh… you're okay," I answered nonchalantly and shrugged as I walked away from him. He gave me a doubting look and laughed as he caught up with me, slinging his arm around my shoulders.

"First of all, you should have told me that _before_ we had sex last night," I blushed and looked back at Jessica and Angela. Their eyebrows were raised as they smirked at me. I shrugged and Jake continued.

"Second of all, maybe I should just tell the guys to leave and let you dive all by yourself…," he looked over at the cliff. I gasped and was about to speak up, but he put his hand over my mouth.

"And third of all, you're going the wrong way. I suggest that you go that way," he pointed to the right, "if you don't wanna end up somewhere stuck in a ditch." I glared at him and walked in the direction that he pointed out.

"Care to rephrase your last statement?" he asked as he, yet again, caught up with me.

"Fine," I said, not looking him in the eye. "You're hot…," I whispered.

"What? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you," Jake said innocently.

"You're hot," I said a little bit louder. He gave me a confused look.

"I- I'm sorry, Bella, my hearing must be wearing out. I mean, isn't seventeen around the age when that happens? I'd expect you to know that. Aren't you, like eighteen?" he said, still sporting that confused look.

I sighed angrily and clenched my jaw. He could be an asshole sometimes. He started walking backwards in front of me and faced me. "Bella, really, if you've gunna say something, say it."

I growled. "Fine," I said calmly. "You're the hot, you ass!" I screamed. He grinned widely and turned around to face his friends, who were half way up the cliff already.

"Did you guys hear that?!" Jake screamed. "I'M HOT!" he yelled even louder. His announcement was followed by whistles and 'Ow!' heard throughout the group.

I smacked his head, which I could barely reach because he was so tall, and he ran to catch up with his friends. I stopped walking and waited for Angela and Jessica to catch up with me.

"It's nice of him to tell the world that you guys have sex…," Angela said. She never really liked Jake, but put up with him because of me.

"I think it's hot that he's so confident in letting people know about his sex life. _I_ wouldn't mind," Jessica disagreed. She had had a crush on Jake ever since I started dating him. Like that didn't give me enough incentive to break up with him, he also said stuff like this and flirted with other girls. I pretended not to notice after the first, like, ten times.

"Whatever," I said with a shrug as we reached the bottom of the cliff.

"This is where I leave you guys," Jessica said. "Sorry, but I am _not_ brave enough for that." She tilted her head up toward the top of the cliff.

"Ookay," I said with another shrug. "You still in, Angela?" I asked patiently. She looked up at the cliff and back at me.

"Yes, actually, I'm gunna go up there. We'll see what happens when I'm up there," she said with a smile. I grinned at her and gave her a big hug.

"That's good enough for me! Let's go!" I said as I released her and began to run up the path to the cliff.

"Good luck!" Jessica screamed after us. We both smiled back at her and screamed a thank you to her.

As we got closer to the group of La Push boys, they all turned around and looked at us.

"Isabella Swan-" I cut him off.

"Who is this Isabella you speak of? It's Bella, Jake. Don't push me," I said with fake seriousness.

"Touchy, touchy," he said. I glared at him.

"Fine… _Bella_ Swan and Angela Webber, are you ready to accept the consequences that come with cliff diving along side our group?" Jake asked as he walked from behind the group of boys.

Angela looked at me with panic and I rolled my eyes. "Um, what consequences?" she asked nervously. Jake looked over at me.

"I thought you were gunna fill them in on all of this so that we could get right to the jumping," he said with an exasperated sigh. I just shrugged innocently. "All right, basically the consequences are that you are obliged to jump at least three times a week and we won't hesitate to hunt you down if you don't comply," he said seriously. "And we might even push you if you refuse," he threw in quickly. Angela looked at me with a horrified expression on her face.

"He's just joking," I said lightly. She eased up much more. "… About the pushing part," I said quietly. She looked over at me and chuckled nervously.

"Now, let the first jump of the year begin!" Jake yelled. He was answered by cheering from his La Push buddies.

One by one, the guys were jumping off the cliff and landing in the river below. Finally, Jake, Angela, and I were the only ones left. I was starting to get nervous and was fidgeting with my fingers. Jake noticed.

"Backing out?" he asked with a smirk on his face. I looked over at Angela, who seemed to get less nervous the more people landed safely, and rolled my eyes.

"Chyeah right," I said confidently. He looked over the edge of the cliff and I heard 'Jake! Jake! Jake!' come from the bottom of the cliff.

He put his arms out at his sides and put his legs together then looked back at me. "Oh, uh, just in case I don't make it out alive," he started. I stopped breathing. Was he going to say he loved me? Did I love him back?

"Just know that… you look _so_ hot in that bathing suit," he said, oblivious to what I was initially thinking he would say. I hit him in the back of the head and he began to tip over. "Oh, going down," he said quickly. He started to fall and all I heard on his way down was "Timmmberrrr!" Angela and I chuckled at his stupidity.

He landed at the bottom with a splash. He got out and shook his head like a dog, effectively drying his short hair and getting Jessica wet. I could almost hear her squeals of disgust. He looked up at me.

"That one was dedicated to you, babe!" he yelled up to me. I shook my head and looked back at Angela. I shrugged and bit my bottom lip.

"Wish me luck?" I asked a bit nervous that I was actually jumping.

"Luck," she said with a smile and gave me a small hug. I nodded and walked to the edge of the cliff. The cheering began when I looked down at the crowd. I smiled and shook my head before I stood up on the balls of my feet and took a deep breath. The cheering ceased and all I could hear was the ocean.

I closed my eyes and jumped out into the open air. The feeling of falling consumed me and I felt weightless. I couldn't hear the sound of the ocean anymore. All I heard was the wind whipping past me as I fell further down the cliff, getting closer to the water every second.

As I was about to plunge into the river, I took a deep breath. The water felt nice after being so close to the hot summer sun on the cliff. I was basking in the coolness of the water when something hit my head and everything went black.

Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx

_Beep, beep, beep, beep. _All I could hear was that incessant noise as I was waking. This bed was uncomfortable and… lumpy. I opened my eyes slowly and took in my surroundings. Why was I in a hospital? I closed my eyes tightly and saw a flash of what had happened. Oh, right, something had hit me, or I hit it, while I was in the water.

Stupid cliff diving.

Stupid Jake.

This wasn't really his fault, though. I tried to sit up in my bed, but my body wouldn't let me. A sharp pain shot up my arm and I winced. Did I hit my arm too? What, exactly, happened after I blacked out? And why isn't anyone in here to see me wake up?

Just as I was about to scream out for someone, a nurse walked in. She was writing something on her clip board and didn't even look up as she passed my bed and checked my stats.

"Um, hello?" I said softly and coughed. She looked up at me surprised.

"Oh, you're awake! Well, welcome back," she said with a warm smile. "I'm Shannon, your nurse. I expect that you have a lot of questions."

"Yes," I said weakly. "What is going on with me? I mean, what is, uh, the damage?" I asked.

She smiled reassuringly. "Well, when you hit your head, you cracked your skull open slightly. The Dr. Cullen had to stitch that back together. There _was_ minor swelling, but he took care of it before it got out of hand. You broke your right arm upon impact and the doctor had to set it. When you were still out from the medication, he checked up on it and noticed your arm was setting wrong. You were taken into surgery again so it could be set again. You've been asleep since then," she explained. I nodded and sat myself up carefully using my _left_ arm and looked around the room.

The doctor walked in with a few interns, I guess they were, and I stopped breathing. He was gorgeous. Even for an older guy, he was hot. He had short, straight blonde hair and a pale complexion. His hazel eyes complimented him immensely.

"Isabella, you're awake," he said with a small smile. I started breathing again and blushed slightly. "How are you doing?"

"Please call me Bella and I'm fine, I guess. I'm a little confused, but okay." I answered shyly.

"That doesn't sound reassuring," he chuckled. "We're just going to do a normal routine that we do with patients that undergo brain surgery, okay? Just answer some of these questions," he said. I nodded and he looked over to the nurse. She smiled at me.

"Okay, Bella, what year is it?"

"Two thousand and four," I answered. The nurse scrutinized my expression, which was patient for the next question, and looked over at Dr. Cullen. He looked at me with concern.

"Who is the president of the United States?" she asked tentatively.

"George Bush… George W. Bush," I answered again. The nurse looked at the doctor again and he whispered something to an intern. The intern left and Dr. Cullen nodded to the nurse again.

"How old are you?"

"Eighteen," I answered simply. The intern came back in and handed Dr. Cullen a folder. He pulled out scans of my brain, I was guessing. After examining them for a minute or two, he shook his head and asked the interns to leave. I was getting extremely nervous.

"Bella, I'm not sure how to tell you this, but you seem to have lost quite a bit of your memory," he said sadly.

I looked to the nurse and to the doctor. "How much of my memory, exactly?"

"It seems that you have lost, obviously not all of your memory, but five years of it," Dr. Cullen said. "It is actually two thousand and nine and the president of the United States is Barrack Obama. You aren't eighteen, you're twenty three," he stated matter-of-factly, but in a remorseful tone.

"Wait, what? I- I just don't understand. But I remember everything about my accident. I jumped off the cliff and hit my head on… a rock… or something," I babbled. His nervous glance at the nurse made me stop talking.

"Bella, you were in a car accident," the nurse said quietly. I almost wanted to cry. I could feel the tears.

The room began to spin and my eyesight went fuzzy. Their voices sounded miles away. The last thing I heard was Dr. Cullen's voice.

"Somebody should call her husband," he yelled out to an intern, as far as I could tell.

A husband?!

**Review!**


	2. Figuring This Out

Chapter 2: Figuring It Out

BPOV

I woke up, yet again to the sound of beeping and a lumpy bed. There was also the sound of papers being ruffled and I willed myself to open my eyes. They felt like they could have been glued shut. All I wanted was to stay asleep with what was happening to me.

I opened my eyes to a woman that I recognized as my nurse. Shannon. It was looking at her that I remembered what had been said before I passed out.

"Holy shit," I croaked out. The nurse seemed to jump from the sound of my voice. She looked to me and smiled warmly.

"Good morning… or I should say good evening. You've been out for quite some time now," she said, looking at the clock hung on the wall to her left. "A good five hours."

I looked around at my surroundings. The hospital walls were white and morose. What a nice sight to wake up to. I remembered, again, about what was said… I guess five hours ago before I blacked out. I sat myself up in the bed and the nurse looked up from her papers with a smile.

"A husband?" I asked. My stomach felt like it did when I was on a roller coaster… dropped. And I didn't know if it was going to catch up with me anytime soon. "Really? A husband? I am beyond confused… and apparently twenty three?"

Her face showed me sympathy. I was suddenly nervous for what she was about to tell me. What was he like? I didn't know if I could handle what was coming at me… like a car coming at an innocent doe. I took a deep breath and braced myself. "Yes, apparently," she answered. "I haven't had the pleasure of meeting him, but Doctor Cullen says that he is very nice." I bit my lip and shut my eyes tightly.

"And I'm twenty three now?" I asked, with my eyes still shut, obviously already knowing the answer. But I was trying my hardest to make her say no. To let this all be a joke on the beginner cliff diver. _'You're only eighteen, Bella. What are you on? Didn't your mother ever tell you that sharing is caring?'_ she would say and then all of my friends and family would come out of hiding. _'Surprise, Bella! This whole thing was just a joke!'_ they would say.

Instead, I got the answer that I was dreading. "Yep," she said simply, letting me sit with that answer. Letting me sit on my twenty three year old ass wishing to remember the last five years. I groaned and let my head fall back on the lumpy mattress. I hadn't even started to consider what the rest of my life was like and I felt like I was going to have the most confusing next few weeks… or however long this would last. It just then occurred to me that this may not end.

"How long will I be like this?" I asked seriously. The nurse shrugged.

"It could be days… it could be years. You could stay like this forever," she answered sadly. I bit my lip again and tried to fight back the tears. This wasn't happening to me.

"Well then," I said lightly, trying to just deal with this situation, "I've got a lot to catch up with." Shannon chuckled and checked on my stats.

"Yes, I believe you do," she said before taking a bag from the door handle and handing it to me. "This is yours. It was in your car."

I dumped the bag onto my lap and rummaged through the contents. Huh, I finally got a cell phone. A nice cell phone, too. Those were not the keys to my truck… aw! Man I loved that truck. I allowed a moment of silence for my dead truck before sifting through the objects on my lap again. There was a purse. Five credit cards and two debit cards? Since when could I afford the bills of five credit cards and two debit cards? A makeup bag, obviously containing makeup, was the last thing to inspect. Weird. I didn't really take to wearing makeup too often. I guess things changed… a lot.

Two rings were under the makeup bag. I hadn't seen them before. My wedding ring and my engagement ring, I guess. My gosh, the engagement ring was beautiful! The diamond wasn't _so_ big, but it was bigger than I'd thought I'd ever be able to afford. I guess I'm wealthy? I have no clue about anything anymore.

I realized then that I hadn't actually seen myself yet. I didn't know if I was ready to see myself aged five years. I had to do it sometime, though. Might as well get it over with now.

"Is there a mirror I could use or something? I kind of want to see what five years has done to me…," I asked the nurse. She thought for a few seconds before speaking up.

"I really don't think that's such a good idea right now, honey. You just found out that five years of your memory is gone…. You should probably let that sink in before you see the shock of what you look like. Plus, you're all bruised and swollen from the accident. It would be best if you waited for friends and family to be around when you finally see yourself. They can help you through any shock." I nodded and she smiled before looking back at her paperwork and then looking back up at me. "Oh, would you like to read some recent papers or magazines. It could spark your memory or just inform you on life today," she offered. I nodded again. She grabbed a few items from the table behind her and handed them to me.

I looked at the cover of a recent newspaper. There was a black man on it with an American flag in the background. The title read simply _Obama._

"Who's this?" I asked, pointing to the picture on the cover.

"That's our new president, Barrack Obama. He won the recent election against John McCain. He's made history," she answered.

"Wow. A black president. That's pretty amazing…," I said to myself. Of course I couldn't really make any sort of judgment on him or the opposing party. I had no idea what his views were… obviously. I shrugged and began to look at the next item- a magazine. A picture of Brad Pitt was on the cover and Jennifer Aniston as well. Angelina Jolie was in the corner. It read_ Brad cheating with Jen?_

"Whoa. Whoa… what? Why would Brad Pitt be cheating _with_ Jennifer Aniston? That doesn't make sense."

"Oh yeah. Brad had cheated on Jen a few years back with Angelina Jolie. They had done a movie together and 'they fell in love'. They adopted, like, five kids from God knows where and they had one of their own; which his stupid because Brad and Jen said they got divorced over the fact that Brad didn't want kids and Jen did," she answered. I was in shock. I loved Jen and Brad together! I mean, I didn't really follow much of that Hollywood stuff, but the one couple I liked was them. That is so ridiculous.

"I was shocked too. But now, apparently, he's cheating on Angelina with Jen. It's very confusing, but I hope it's true," she said when she saw my reaction.

"Good. I hope it's true too," I looked at the other papers on my lap and sighed. "There's no use in reading any of this. It's only depressing me. Here," I handed her back the papers with the one arm I could use and leaned back on my lumpy hospital bed. "Thank you."

"No problem," she said simply. I looked around the room again and wondered why nobody was here. Why wasn't my mom or dad here? Or Jessica or Angela? Or… my husband? I don't understand why I'm alone.

"Someone called them," the nurse said, taking in my rejected features. "They're coming as soon as they can. We told them to leave because we weren't sure when you'd finally wake up. The other nurse had trouble getting your husband away from you from what I hear. Poor guy probably misses you right now. I believe he's trying to get out of work to get here."

"But you don't know his name?" I asked hopefully. Any little hint to who he could be would help. If he wasn't from Forks, I probably wouldn't know who he was, though. I _might_ know him if he was from Phoenix because of those summers with my aunt… _maybe._

"I'm sorry. I didn't catch his name." Bummer.

I was suddenly very nervous. Who was he? I had no idea what he would look like or who he was or… anything. I felt like I was going to throw up.

"Are you okay, honey? You look very pale," she got up and checked my monitor. "Your heart rate is up. You need to calm down." She sat in the chair next to me and took my hand. "It's okay. You'll be fine. Your friends and family could spark your memory. You never know." She gave me a motherly look and I was sure that she was a mother. It was the same look that my mother would give me when I was upset. It made me relax a little bit. I took a few deep breaths before turning to her and smiling.

"Thanks. I'm good now. You remind me of my mom… or what I remember of my mom," I told her. She smiled back and let go of my hand.

"I understand that you're very, very confused right now. It's going to be hard. But you've got to remember that there's still hope for you. Time can heal all wounds, right? Well maybe time can give you back your memory. Just try to be patient," she told me. I nodded and thought about what she said. It was exactly what I needed to hear. It was a reassuring speech and it helped me to calm down more. She smiled once more before returning to her papers.

Doctor Cullen walked into the room a few minutes later.

"Bella, how are we feeling tonight?" he asked while looking at my stats.

"I'm good. How are _you_?" I asked. He laughed and handed a folder to the nurse.

"I'm very good, thank you." He chuckled again. His laugh was some kind of soothing. I didn't really know what to call it. "Remember anything yet?"

I shook my head and looked down at my hands in my lap. "Nope," I answered simply. It was quiet for a second and I looked up to see him staring at me curiously. He looked away quickly as I caught his stare.

"I'm hoping that that will change soon. Now, I'm not going to make you stay here just because you don't remember. You can leave as soon as someone signs you out. And even then I'll ask you if you're comfortable with leaving. A lot of the people that will be visiting you will be strangers to you. I don't want you to think that you have to leave just because it may be inconvenient for the hospital or me. Don't worry about it. I understand how hard this is going to be… just hang in there." He looked at me strangely again before looking around the room.

His speech totally comforted me. I felt so grateful towards him. He was being so nice to me and I didn't even know if I deserved it. I really didn't know who I actually was.

"I'm telling you this now because some people are here to see you. I will send them in," he gave the nurse another folder and walked at the door. He stopped in the doorway and turned around. "Remember what I told you," he said before walking out the door. _"Please inform Isabella Swan's visitors that she is ready to see them,"_ I heard him say to a receptionist across the hall from my room.

My stomach churned the butterflies there. This was going to be a lot to handle. I looked at the nurse and she gave me a reassuring nod. She was standing in the corner of the room. "You'll be fine," she said. I must have looked panic stricken. This was nerve wrecking. I had no idea what my life was like the past five years, but this seemed to be the scariest thing I'd experienced so far.

I looked down at my lap and closed my eyes. I could hear footsteps coming through the doorway and into my room. The seat next to my bed creaked as someone sat down.

"Bella?" A familiar voice said. My head snapped up and my eyes met with the eyes of my mother. She looked almost the same. She had some more wrinkles and obviously had aged, but she looked pretty much the same. My dad stood next to the chair and Jacob next to my dad. Had I married Jake? The last time I checked, we were nowhere near marriage and I had pretty much known that nothing like that would happen between us. I guess it wouldn't be that bad if he _was_ my husband. At least I knew who he was…

I looked over at the nurse and she motioned to Jake with her head. "Hot," she mouthed. I nodded slightly and gave her a small smile.

"Oh Bella!" Renee balled. She started crying and embraced me into a tight hug. She had included my broken arm in that hug.

"Ouch, mom, my arm," I choked out.

"Oh! I'm sorry! I'm just so glad that you're awake! And I know, I know about your memory and it's so horrible! But they told me that there may be a chance that you wouldn't wake up soon and I thought that I'd lost you! I've been-"

"Renee…," Charlie cut her off. "Give her time to process."

"Oh. I'm sorry," she said. "How are you, honey?" She asked. She seemed exactly the same Renee that I remembered from five years ago.

"I'm okay, mom. I'm just very… confused. It's almost overwhelming…," I answered. She gave me another, lighter, hug and wiped the tears from her eyes as she sat up in her chair. I looked to my dad.

"Hey Bells," he said in his gruff voice that was so familiar to me. This all felt familiar to me. Like it was two thousand and four still and I was eighteen. Crazy.

"Hey Dad," I said.

"You remember me!" he joked. The room was filled with subdued laughter because of the actual reality that I may never remember the last five years.

"Of course, Dad. Who else bothered me the most during my teen years?" I laughed. It felt weird to say 'teen years' because I felt used to being a teen.

"Well," he started, "I'm glad to see you, much the same." Then, almost unwillingly, I looked to Jake. He smiled widely. I held back the urge to cringe and smiled softly back.

"Let's let the two of them catch up and talk for a while, Renee," Charlie said. He took her hand and they walked out the door. Their marriage is still going strong, I see. It's nice to see. They seemed to be the same people I remembered and loved… love. I chuckled to myself at how I could think of not loving my parents. They were pretty great. Jake sat down in Renee's chair and cocked his head.

"What's on your mind, best friend?" he asked with his head still cocked. Best friend? Okay. I could handle that. But if he wasn't my husband, who the fuck was? I smiled at him.

"Best friend? That's interesting. I guess that you couldn't fulfill my… needs," I jokingly assumed. He gave me a doubting look.

"Psh. Please. _I_ broke up with _you_," he told me. Hmm…

"Really?" I asked.

"No," he laughed. "But that's okay. We're best friends now," he stated.

"Good," I said with a smirk. "You know, when I first saw you in here, I thought you were my husband. I was nervous." We both laughed and the nurse shrugged.

"Yeah, like I'd marry _you_," he said with another laughed.

"More like _I_ wouldn't marry _you_," I said back at him.

"Keep telling yourself that," he said, nonchalantly brushing off his shoulders.

"I will, I will," I started. "But, anyway, if you're not my husband… who the fuck is?" He opened his mouth to answer.

"Bella," I heard a voice say in relief at the doorway. I looked from Jake and towards the voice. Holy shit.

"You- you're… what?" I stuttered.

"Hey Mike," Jake mumbled and looked away. _Mike Newton?_ What. The. Fuck.

I mean, don't get me wrong, Mike looked pretty hot. He had definitely grown defined in his face and his muscles were toned. His hair was still that sandy-brown blonde color. But how on earth had I managed to marry Mike Newton?

"I'll see you later, Bella," Jake said before getting up and heading out the door. He didn't seem to like Mike. Then again, he _never_ liked him. Mike took his seat and my hand. He kissed the back of my hand and looked me in the eye. I felt like gagging or throwing up. I wanted to know now, more than ever, how the last five years brought me to Mike Newton. I was more confused now than I was when I woke up.

Yet again… what the _fuck_?

**A/N: Just so you guys don't get confused (like Bella is at the moment) this is _NOT_ a Mike/Bella story. I know it may seem like it at the moment, but everything is not what it seems. I'll leave it at that. :) &REVIEW.  
**

**-Erin**


	3. Small World

Chapter 3: Small World

BPOV

"M- Mike?" I stuttered out once I could feel my lips again. He smiled and kissed my hand again. I didn't have any feeling in my face, really; otherwise I would've winced or cringed.

"You remember me," he sighed in relief. Uh, yeah, I remember you. We went to high school together, idiot. I took my hand back slowly and turned to the door.

"Um, yeah, Mike. We went to high school together. I just… I just don't remember the last five years of my life. That means, well, that means that, um, I don't remember, um… _us_," I managed to get out. He stared at me with confusion before realization dawned on him and his eyes widened. He was a little slow. Then again, he was always slow… from what I remember… which was limited these days.

"Oh... Oh! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just heard you were awake and I rushed over here! I didn't know about your, um, memory until your mom explained it to me when I got here," he paused and thought for a second before smiling. "I guess seeing you awake just made me forget everything." The back of his hand touched my face. "I'm so glad you're awake."

I cringed away from his touch. Ew, ew, ew. I'm grossed out by his very touch. How could I have_ married_ him? "Yeah, um, Mike, could you please refrain from touching me. Not to be, um, rude. I don't even remember dating you let alone marrying you," I said in response to his repulsive touch. His hand dropped from my face instantly and he looked so sad. "I mean, I just need to get to know you better. I don't, um, even know you really," I said to make him feel better. He still looked so sad. "Uh, time heals all wounds?" I quoted questionably from the nurse earlier. He smiled slightly in response and nodded once.

"You're right. Time does heal all wounds. And I know that you're gunna be remembering everything in no time. Then we can get back to our life together," he said hopefully. As much as I had wanted to remember for the past few days, with that sentence, I wanted to stay the way I was as long as I could.

But, then again, maybe I was happy with Mike. Maybe we really _were_ in love. I seriously had to talk to Jake about this. He must've hated this marriage. There was no way that he would let me get married to Mike Newton.

"I know you're confused, honey. I want to make everything better for you. So, you can ask any questions you want. I'll answer everything until I have to go back to work. Anything for you," he said. Ugh. He might as well ask for a dog biscuit or something. But I guess that he could help me figure everything out. I thought about it for a minute before speaking up.

"How long have we been married?" I asked first.

"I proposed to you on your twentieth birthday. We got married on Christmas Eve," he answered faithfully. Like a dog. That's always what I thought of him as: a faithful dog… and an annoying one at that.

"That seems a bit soon, don't you think?" I asked warily.

"Yeah, well, you know how Alice is. She had been planning the wedding ever since I'd told you I loved you," he said and smiled. I cringed at the word 'love' and felt like throwing myself against the hospital wall. Wait a second… Who's Alice?

"Alice?" I questioned. Confusion was evident across my face. He smiled and then frowned, obviously remembering that I _didn't_ know as he had mentioned I did. He was definitely still slow.

"Oh yeah, I forgot. Sorry…," he said apologetically.

"You forgot? _You_ forgot?! You can't be forgetting things now! Especially since my memory is completely useless!" I shouted at him. His mouth was hanging open and he looked like he was about to cry. I instantly felt bad. Even if he _was_ slow, I still had to remember that he was also sensitive. He was _always_ sensitive.

"Um, sorry. I'm just freaking out a little," I said, looking down at my hands. He sniffed and took my hand. Oh god. He was actually _crying_? He's seriously making me wonder why I married him. There has to be _some_ kind of reason. This whole situation is just so _strange_.

"It's okay. I understand. Alice is your best friend, sweetie," he said before pausing for a few seconds to let that sink in. A best friend is nice. I hope she didn't hit on all my boyfriends like Jessica did. Slut.

Mike suddenly looked me in the eyes creepily, pulling me out of my thoughts, and began to talk. "We're going to get through this, Bella. I know that we will. You are the strongest woman I have ever met. You can handle this. And I'll be right next to you to help," he whispered. Aw, that was really nice and kind of cute. That little speech kind of gave me a _tiny_ insight to why I married him. And at least I had someone to be with me through this whole thing, even though I still had Jake. But Jake wouldn't be with me the whole time.

Just then, Mike's beeper went off. He checked it and made a face. "Juuust not right now. I've gotta go to work, Bells. I'm so, so sorry, but I'll be back tomorrow. Call me if they let you go and I'll rush over here to pick you up, okay?" he said before leaning over me and kissing my forehead. "Love you." And with that he left the room.

I stared after him with my mouth dropped open. How could he be so insensitive after the speech he just made to me? That move just erased any sort of miniscule feelings I may have felt for him just a minute ago. This whole situation just _screamed_ strange. When could I get some answers?

I was still looking out the door when I saw the doctor outside my door. He was talking to another man and they seemed to be arguing. The other man wasn't facing me, but Doctor Cullen was. There were a lot of hand gestures and hard faces. Then, the doctor saw me watching and pointed me out, trying to be discreet about it. The other guy turned around to glance at me quickly. His piercing green eyes locked with mine for a brief second before turning back to the doctor. Doctor Cullen's eyes softened and he nodded solemnly once before looking to me again and walking away warily.

The green eyed man took a few deep breaths before turning around and walking into my room. And my, was he gorgeous. Even though those piercing green eyes looked blood shot and he had a little more than just a five o'clock shadow, he still looked hot. His hair was tousled and in a messy disarray. But in a way that made him look even better. Actually, he looked like he had just gotten up. Possibly from drinking a lot last night? There's a man I could appreciate. I wish I could have something to drink right now. It might numb my confusion.

He sat down next to me in the chair that Mike had sat in formerly. I almost laughed at the difference between the two, but I kept my composure. The guy ran his hand through his bronze hair and pulled on it for a second before taking another deep breath. I looked at him with a confused expression on his face.

Just as I was about to speak up, he looked at me again. His eyes were very intent, yet soft.

"Bella," he said simply. I was shocked for a second before I realized that he knew me. Well, I'm stupid. Why else would he be sitting here? I_ could_ blame my stupidity on the accident and my memory if a situation like this ever comes up again.

I was going to say his name… until I realized that I didn't know it. So, I compromised.

"You," I said and smiled. He seemed to relax a bit and smiled with me. There you go. You don't need to be so uptight, mystery man who wandered into my room and has yet to explain himself.

"Edward," he corrected with a sigh. I looked at him confused again and took in his correction.

"Edward," I rephrased. He looked at me seriously and his eyebrows furrowed deeply.

"You really don't remember me?" he asked, his eyebrows still furrowed. I shrugged.

"You, me, my husband, my whole life for the past five years. Yeah, it's all just a big blank," I said, looking down at my hands. "But it's nice to meet you Edward… or, well, it's nice to see you again?" I corrected myself hesitantly, now looking up at him. He smiled a crooked smile and nodded.

"Nice to see you again," he cleared up for me. "I'm, uh, your doctor's son and coincidentally I work for your husband in the music business. I assume he didn't really get into details about his work but I design the instruments that he markets and sells," He explained. That's a pretty cool job. Well, the designing part not the selling part. Just my luck that Mike is the one to sell. I wonder if he was any good at that…

"Oh, that's pretty cool," I said awkwardly. Because, let's face it: this was just an awkward situation. At least it wasn't as awkward as it had been with Mike. He looked at me for a few seconds and ran another hand through his hair.

"So, I guess you're wondering why I'm here, right?" he asked with a small, sad smile. I nodded quickly, indicating him that he should continue. He nodded in response. He sighed before continuing.

"Um, well, Mike just left so abruptly that he asked me to come visit you to, um, see if you needed anything and what not," he explained nervously. "I can't let down the boss, you know," he added with a small laugh. My eyebrows furrowed with confusion at his demeanor, but I shrugged it off. He could just be a generally nervous person. I wouldn't know. I, technically, just met him.

"That's really nice of you," I said sincerely. "But you didn't need to come. It looks like you didn't get much sleep," I told him. He frowned a little bit.

"Yeah… I know," he said sadly. "I was out late with some friends," he added quickly before pausing briefly. "Actually, I was at my friend Jasper's bachelor party. You would know him if you remembered. He's your best friend Alice's fiancé," he explained. There's that Alice person again.

"Alice…. Is she nice?" I asked curiously.

"Alice is very nice," he answered. "She's a little crazy. But you wouldn't have it any other way… and neither would she," he further explained. That was a great way of putting our friendship. It sounded like the type of thing that_ I_ would say.

"That's great," I said, thinking about what kind of 'crazy' this 'Alice' was.

"Yeah," he said softly, leaning his elbows on his knees. He stared at me while I looked down at my hands, but I pretended not to notice. Then, he sat up and rubbed his face before looking around the room.

"Well, I, um, better get going now. I don't want to be bothering you all day. I've got to finish up some designs anyway. It's what brings in the big bucks," he said with a laugh, but then stopped abruptly. He walked to the door way and turned around to look at me one last time. "Tell Mike I said 'hello' for me… please," he said almost sarcastically, but with an air of courtesy. "I'll… I'll check up on you later maybe.... Bye," he said before walking out the door.

Well, he was pretty nice… and a little strange. But if all of my friends were like him, I wouldn't mind. He seemed pretty trustworthy. And I really wanted to meet… or re-meet this best friend of mine, Alice. I thought about the subject of friends for a few more minutes before Jake appeared at my door.

"Jake!" I said excitedly with a grin. It was nice to see someone that I knew and loved _before_ my accident. Seeing Mike just made my stomach heave. He came and sat down in the chair next to me. What a popular chair.

"Hey Bells," Jake greeted me. He was wearing a mechanic's suit or uniform now and he carried a tool belt around his waist. "I just wanted to stop by before I went off to work for the day," he explained when he saw me looking his outfit up and down curiously.

"Oh, so you're a… mechanic, now?" I guessed.

"Yep, and I love it," he confirmed with a huge grin on his face. That was a great job for him. He was always fixing up his car when we were… younger. He occasionally had to fix my old truck when the thing would stall on me. It may have stalled and roared like a lion, but I still loved that truck. Nothing used to make me feel better more than the leather seats of my truck.

"That is _such_ a great job for you, Jake," I told him enthusiastically. "Speaking of jobs," I started questioningly, "where do I work, exactly?"

"You write, actually," he answered. I smiled widely. I always wanted to be some sort of a writer.

"What do I write?" I asked.

"Well, you write for a magazine. And, believe it or not, you love it. You love fighting for the cover article spot with words. With writing. You find it absolutely riveting and exciting," he answered. I honestly couldn't be any happier with his response.

"What magazine is it?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It's a relatively new magazine called Twiclipse. Mike's sister had started it up right when you and Mike started dating. She… offered you a job almost instantly because you guys just… clicked. It was a pretty… amazing feat actually," Jake explained clearly. Well, well, Michael. You have seemed to have redeemed yourself the smallest bit. At least you have a cool sister by my standards.

"So, anyway… are _you_ dating someone, Jake?" I asked in mock suspicion. I could see a blush through his dark skin tone. "All right, who is she?"

"You'll meet her… again later. I don't want to be confusing you and sending in a dozen 'strangers' for you to meet… or re-meet. Whatever you would call it."

"Oh yeah, Jake. Nice excuse," I accused. "We both know that I can handle _everything_," I said in mock conceit.

"Yeah, you say that now…," Jake said thoughtfully, as if he didn't want me to hear it.

I was about to ask Jake about me and Mike, but Nurse Shannon walked in.

"I'm sorry Bella, but visiting hours are over," she told us apologetically. I looked to Jake and smiled.

"All right, well, I'll see you later then?" I asked.

"Definitely," he answered simply before holding up his fist for me to pound. I bit my lip as my fist hit his and then he walked out.

"And don't think you're getting away with keeping this girl away from me!" I shouted after him.

"Why don't you come over here and convince me?" he taunted as he popped his head back into the room.

"Don't tempt me…," I warned. He just laughed and slowly began to walk away again.

"I wouldn't dream of it!" he shouted through the hallway. I laughed at our exchange. He was definitely the same Jacob. What a relief.

"Sorry," the nurse said to me as she came in and checked on my stats. I smiled softly.

"No, it's okay. I'm getting a little tired anyway," I revealed with a yawn.

"Good, good. Sleep will be great for you," she noted as she sat down at the table she was sitting at before my visitors had come around. I yawned again and turned in the bed to face the nurse.

"Hey, do you, by any chance, know how this car accident had happened?" I asked when I realized that no one had told me exactly how I'd ended up in here.

"No one told you?" she asked. I shook my head. "Well, what I heard from the paramedic that brought you in here was that you were driving home from a friend's bachelorette party when it happened," she tried to explain.

"Alice," I whispered to myself. Shannon heard me.

"Hmm?" she wondered.

"Alice is that friend. She's my best friend," I told her. Shannon smiled and got up to check my stats again.

"You remember?" she asked eagerly. I laughed and shook my head lightly.

"No, no. A visitor told me," I cleared up for her. Her smiled faded a bit as she went back to sit down.

"It's okay. Your memory will be back in no time. Just wait and see," she said hopefully.

"Let's hope," I said as I looked away from her and stared at the hospital wall.

"Speaking of visitors, I heard that Doctor Cullen's son visited you today. No one here has really seen him yet. Doctor Cullen is fairly new to this hospital. What was he doing in your room?" she asked curiously, but then back tracked. "I don't mean to pry. You don't have to tell me. I just find it so interesting," she finished. I looked away from the wall and to her.

"It's okay, I don't mind," I assured. "Apparently, he works with my husband," I began to explain. "And when Mike, my husband, had to leave me unexpectedly, he asked Edward to check up on me," I explained further. It felt so weird to say that I had a husband… and even weirder that I was talking about _Mike_.

Shannon looked at me curiously. "Oh, Edward is the doctor's son."

"Oh," she responded simply. "Well, what a small word," she mused. I looked away from her again and back at the wall.

"Yeah, a small world," I agreed after a short while before falling into a restless sleep.

***A/N: I think I may love this chapter. :) Here we have Edward's first appearance in the story! Aren't we glad? Haha, anyway, I am seriously trying to decide if I should include an EPOV chapter next. I'm not sure if it would ruin things or make it better. I like mystery if you haven't noticed already. And Edward is pretty damn mysterious in this story. Well, get at me and tell me what you think. Enjoy&Review! :) **


	4. Isabella Swan

**Chapter 4: Isabella Swan**

**BPOV**

I could vaguely hear a person talking as my mind was clearing up from the thick fog of sleep. My eyes remained shut and my body lay still as the voices started to register as words and sentences. My mind was now alert, but my body was still tired.

"But I'm asking you when she will remember everything. I'm not asking you how to handle this. It's a _pretty_ simple question, doc," he snapped at Doctor Cullen, presumably. There was a slight pause in the conversation and I imagined that Mike had crossed a line with his rude demeanor. "I'm sorry," Mike apologized softly. "It's just… I don't know what to do. This isn't the Bella that I know. This isn't the Bella that loves me. She doesn't even remember me all that much," he continued with a sad voice. I involuntarily cringed at his use of the word love. I still didn't know how I could have fallen in love with Mike Newton. Doctor Cullen coughed shortly after the moment that I cringed and I quickly let my face fall blank. I hoped that he didn't realize that I was awake.

"It's okay Mr. Newton –" Mike cut him off quickly.

"Mike. Call me Mike," he said in a serious tone.

"Well, it's okay Mike. I understand your concern. But you must realize that issues like this… damage to the brain… it can be very unpredictable. She could… wake up right now and remember everything. Or she could wake up a month… a year from now and still not remember a single thing," the doctor said almost sadly. I was worried by what he was saying. I didn't want to live like this for another day, let alone a month or a fucking _year_! My heart started beating erratically and the sound of my heart monitor beeped in the same fashion. Oh, good job, Bella. Great fucking job.

I felt a cold hand on my neck and another one slipped into my right hand. For a few seconds, I thought it may have been Doctor Cullen trying to calm my heart rate. But I heard the doctor speaking with the nurse about my stats on the _left_ side and I decided to keep my eyes closed. Even if they _did_ know I was awake. I needed to salvage some time with my eyes closed instead of staring at Mike Newton. I had a feeling that I'd be staring at him a lot in the near future and I didn't want to overwhelm myself.

"Bella," Mike whispered into my ear. I tried my damnedest not to cringe or turn away from him. "Bella, are you awake?" he whispered again after a few seconds. I decided that I couldn't hide any longer and I slowly opened my eyes to the face of a concerned Mike Newton. A smile spread across his face and I noticed that he had something stuck in his teeth. Ew. I just stared at him blankly before turning my head to Doctor Cullen and sitting up.

"Good morning," he said with a polite smile. I glanced out the window and it was indeed very light outside. I had been foggy on keeping track of time and days recently and I honestly didn't even care anymore. I mean I didn't even really know what year it was… or what month. I actually didn't really know much of anything anymore. And I don't want to be all 'woe is me,' but this situation… yeah, it really bites.

"Good morrow, good fellow. Having you been tending to the chickens properly?" I asked mockingly. I didn't really know where it came from, but it seemed like something I would say, so I went along with it. Mike quickly looked from me to the doctor in a panic-stricken state as Doctor Cullen just looked at me curiously with a slight smile playing on his lips. I just smiled at him, awaiting his response, but not expecting one.

"Why yes, fair maiden, I have," he said with a chuckled. I laughed along and Mike looked at us as if we were crazy. That just made me laugh harder.

"Has she lost her mind, doc?" he asked seriously. Doctor Cullen stopped laughing, but kept smiling and looked at me curiously. I looked down from Mike to the doctor, knowing that I hadn't lost my mind. I always used to joke around like this. I guess that Mike never saw that side of me. I guess I was different with him. Maybe I had changed. I looked down at my hands as Doctor Cullen continued to stare, his smile gone.

"Isabella," he said, breaking the silence. I looked up at him and his smile returned and his questioning glare held. I smiled in response. He had a smile that felt contagious. I almost didn't even register how he had called me Isabella instead of Bella. It's not like I have an aversion to that name or anything. I've just been so used to being called Bella since I was little.

"Yes?" I responded quietly. He chuckled lightly.

"You're not losing your mind," he reassured with another laugh. I nervously laughed along. Then why did he stare at me like I was? "Do you remember anything yet?" he asked casually.

I shook my head and shrugged. "Nope." He nodded his head slowly and started to back out of the room.

"Okay. I'll let you two be alone. But if you remember anything, don't hesitate to tell the nearest nurse or doctor," he said. I nodded and he took off quickly, heading down the hall.

I stared after the doctor longer than necessary. I didn't want to be alone with Mike and I was hoping that Doctor Cullen would come back. There wasn't much of a grace period before Mike began speaking.

"Hey," he said softly. I kept my eyes trained on the door to my room while I spoke.

"Hey."

"I got the day off today and I was wondering… well, I was wondering…," I let out a soft, impatient sigh as Mike continued to nervously fidget and babble. "I think that today would be a good day to, um, bring you… home. Well, you know, to our home. I know you don't think of it that way, but it is… our home, that is," he stuttered out. I was a little taken out of place. I had no idea if I was ready for that. So, I just kept my eyes on the door and didn't answer. "I'm, uh, hoping that it will help you to remember more. I mean, it _is_ a familiar area. And the doctor said it would be all right for you to leave, but only if you wanted to. I don't want to, um, pressure you or anything. Just –"

"Okay," I said abruptly. I really only meant to say 'Okay, you can shut up now.' But it came out as just 'okay' and I wasn't sure if I was… _okay_ with that. He stopped talking and stared at me.

"Okay?" he questioned. I could see excitement in his eyes when I finally looked away from the door and at him. I might as well get on with my… life. As unfamiliar and confusing and wrong this life felt, it was mine and I had to face the facts. Work with the cards I've been dealt.

"Okay," I said simply before looking down at my hands and playing with my fingers. Mike sighed in relief as he wrapped his arms around my neck.

"Thank you," he said with another sigh. I looked around the room quickly, in almost a panic. This was a little overwhelming and Mike wouldn't let go of me. I didn't know him and I wanted a familiar face. I wanted a familiar hug. I wanted my old life back. Just as I felt as if I were about to cry, Doctor Cullen walked in. He saw my expression and coughed loudly. I smiled softly at him, embarrassed about my predicament.

"Sorry," Mike mumbled. "I'm just so happy," he added.

"Really? Why is that? Have you remembered anything?" Doctor Cullen asked with a smile. I looked back down at my hands.

"No, no, she hasn't. But she has agreed to come home today!" Mike said enthusiastically. Doctor Cullen looked to me. I put on a fake smile.

"Is that so?" he asked, his head tilted slightly.

"Yeah," I said sheepishly. I wasn't sure about this and I felt that he knew that. He narrowed his eyes with curiosity for a moment before speaking up.

"Well, that's wonderful news," he said with a grin. I half smiled and nodded once. I was about to say 'I guess' when Mike spoke up.

"Yes, it is!" he said eagerly. He was grinning and just looking around the room as if he were telling the news to a whole crowd instead of just one doctor.

I kept a half-assed smiled on my face while Doctor Cullen was in the room. But, once he left, I kept my face kind of blank. Mike told me he was going to get a few things settled and ready before he took me 'home' for the first time since the accident. He kissed my hand before releasing it and leaving. I sighed in relief once he was gone from the room and dozed off for a short nap.

I woke up abruptly to some one pulling at my good arm. I looked around and didn't see anyone, but I looked down and saw a little girl standing next to me and pulling my arm. I looked at her curiously and looked around the room for her parents. This girl looked to be no more than two or three years old. She looked lost or scared, so I smiled at her warmly.

"Hi," I said with a small wave. She smiled brightly at me and opened her mouth to speak when Jake walked into the room.

"You can't run ahead of me like that, little girl. I don't care if you're excited to see Mommy. I can't have you running frantically through any hospital halls," he reproached the little girl.

I froze in place. I was this little girl's 'Mommy'? I could feel the warm smile on my face slide easily into a frown that probably matched the look of shear panic on my face.

"I… she… baby… had… baby… _mommy_?" I choked out, still frozen in place. Even though this could explain why I got married to Newton, I was still shocked out of my mind. I didn't know what to say.

"He… Mike didn't tell you?" Jake asked seriously. I gaped at him in horror, shaking my head frantically.

"N-no!" I practically screamed. Jake's jaw dropped open for a few seconds before he started laughing hysterically. I shook my head even more.

"How can you laugh at something like this Jake?! This is _so_ not funny! How was I supposed to know that I had a b-baby?" I almost yelled. He just kept laughing. I just stared at him in shock.

"Bella… this so… _isn't_… your kid," he got out between fits of laughter. I looked at him like he was insane.

"Could you explain to me what the hell is going on, then?" I retorted angrily. I was still shocked and now I was angry too. Jake sobered up enough to talk to me.

"This, my dear friend, is my girlfriend's daughter, Claire," he answered with a proud smile. "I decided to play a little trick on you and lighten up your whole situation."

"Oh yeah, Jake, you helped so much. I think I'll go have a heart attack now," I said sarcastically. "You will seriously pay for this. No joke."

"Oh chill your nuggets, Bella. I'm surprised that you haven't asked about lovely Claire over here," he said as he looked down at Claire in his lap.

Oh, right. "Is she yours?" I asked him hesitantly. He chuckled and sighed.

"I wish. No, she's Leah's," he answered.

"There's no father?" I asked, still hesitant.

"No. He, uh, died a little while after Claire was born…," he answered sadly. I decided not to push that subject.

"So, Leah is this girlfriend. Where is she?"

"She's at work and I get to have Claire all to myself today," he said with a grin and kissed the back of Claire's head. I smiled at the exchange. He seemed so happy.

"How long have you guys been going out?" It was a good question. She seemed to trust him with her baby fully.

"We met about three years ago, but it took us a few weeks before we finally went out," he answered. I had never seen Jake so happy when he was with me. It made me so happy for him, but jealous at the same time.

"And you're happy?" I asked, watching Claire wrap her hands around a few of his fingers.

"Definitely," he answered. There was no hesitation, no thinking. His voice was strong and didn't waver. I grinned at him.

"That's… amazing, Jake." He nodded and let Claire stand up on his lap. She wobbled the slightest bit, but balanced herself out and held on tightly to Jake's hands.

There was a peaceful silence in the room for a few minutes before Jake spoke up.

"So, you're going home today." It wasn't a question. His eyes never left Claire when he asked or waited for me to answer.

"Yep, going… home."

"Are you sure that's the right thing to do?" he asked, finally looking at me. I sighed.

"Well, what am I supposed to do? Stay in this hospital all day and night until my memory comes back? _If_ it comes back? I don't want to try and_ imagine_ what my life is now. I want to try and _live_ it. It may bring my memory back. And where I am now, sitting in this hospital bed, I'm thinking that my life kind of sucks. I want to see the good in my life. I want to see the _great_ in my life. I want to see that I have happiness like _you_ do, Jake." My hands trembled slightly as I answered his question, defending my choice. I looked away from him for a minute before looking back. He nodded.

"I understand. And you will find it… I think. I think you'll find that happiness," he said with another nod. I looked down at my hands. But what if I didn't? What if my life just sucked all around? What if I was miserable? This could be my way out, I guess. Kind of.

I was almost lost in thought, when there was a soft knock at the door. I looked up, accepting my fate with Mike. But, to my surprise, Edward stood at the door. I was actually surprised at myself for remembering his name. A+ for Bella.

"Hey," Jake and I said in unison. Jake looked over to me curiously and I laughed.

"We met… or re-met yesterday before you came," I explained. He still looked confused but he nodded with apprehension yesterday. Edward nodded and ran a hand through his hair when Jake looked over to him.

"Oh, okay," Jake said finally. "What's up, man?" Edward went over to him and they pounded fists. Claire reached out for Edward and he took her happily. I smiled. He must hang out with Jake often.

"Not much. I'm just here to pick up Bella for Mike," Edward said to Jake. "When you're ready, that is," he said, speaking to me now. I looked over to Jake and shrugged.

"I guess so," I said tentatively. Jake got up and took Claire from Edward.

"Yeah, I have to go anyway. It's getting late and this little girl needs her nap." As if on cue, Claire started to cry and fidget in Jake's arms. I thought she was getting cranky, but her arms reached out to Edward again. Edward shushed her and kissed her forehead. She seemed to calm down a little bit. Well, enough for Jake to quickly blurt out a 'good bye' and slip out of the room.

I smiled after Jake. He was going to make a great dad when he was ready. He already seemed like one. I felt jealous again about the solid life he had. He could be so sure about everything he did. I, on the other hand…

I turned my head to face Edward and he was staring at me unhappily. I noticed that my smile had dissipated into a frown during my 'woe is me' thoughts. I really had to learn to take shit as it comes and just deal. Especially because I had a feeling that things were going to get a lot worse once I got… 'home'.

"You ready?" he asked. He still didn't look very happy and I smiled softly.

"Let me just get changed," I said politely. I went to get out of bed and Edward came over to help me. He paused for a moment before touching me, but proceeded to take both of my upper arms and pull me onto my feet. He then grabbed my clothes from the table in the corner of the room and handed them to me. All of this was done without a word. Very quick and efficient, Edward. A+ for you.

I walked slowly into the bathroom and locked the door. My clothes slipped out of my hands and onto the floor as I turned toward the mirror.

"Oh geez," I whispered to no one. I bent down to pick them up, when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I stood up immediately and walked closer to my reflection.

My face was… bruised up to say the least. There was a gash across my left cheek and the left side of my face. Lifting my gown revealed… that I was emaciated. I mean, not literally, but I was very thin… I was too thin. God, what have I eaten these past five years? Or not eaten? Besides my smaller frame, lifting the gown exposed a huge bruise down the left side of my rib cage to my abdomen. As well as a bruise across my chest from, I can only assume, the seat belt. Obviously, the other car had come at me from my left… the drivers' side. I sighed before slipping the gown off and quickly getting changed into whatever clothes were given to me.

Before leaving the bathroom, I took another look at my face. I didn't have any wrinkles. Not that I expected to. My face was definitely more mature. It was more prominent and shaped… past all the cuts and bruises. And my hair was longer. It almost went down to the bottom of my chest. I was satisfied with my face, sans the injuries, but I wasn't one to be picky.

I backed away from the mirror without looking back again and walked out of the bathroom. Edward was sitting in the same chair he was sitting in the last time he was in my room. He looked up at me and smiled crookedly before getting up and opening the door.

"After you," he said politely. I looked down at the floor as I walked through the door. He followed behind me and led the way to the reception desk.

"Hey Edward," the receptionist greeted warmly as we neared her.

"Hey Tabitha, how's the family?" he asked. Tabitha looked to be in her mid thirties and wore salmon colored scrubs. I'd never seen salmon colored scrubs before…

"They're the same as when you asked yesterday, honey," Tabitha said with a laugh. Edward shrugged and chuckled. "Who have we got here?" she asked, looking at me curiously.

"This is Isabella Swan. She needs to sign herself out."

The process of signing myself out, or whatever I did, deemed really simple. Nothing was complicated and we got out of there within about ten minutes. I guess things went quicker when you were with one of the doctors' sons.

We were walking out of the hospital doors and towards the car when Edward spoke up again.

"Are you happy to be going home finally?"

I thought about his question for a minute and looked back at the hospital. In there, I was Isabella Swan. And I was damned sure about it. Out here, I was still the same Isabella Swan… I think.

"No. No, I'm not."

***A/N: Sorry this took so long. I have no excuse, but that life gets in the way sometimes. Anyway, review for a preview of the next chapter, all right? :)**


	5. Dreams

_*Adjusted ending... kind of. Nothing big at all. And a new A/N. Enjoy. :)_

**Chapter 5: Dreams**

**BPOV**

I wasn't sure, exactly, when it had happened, but I had fallen asleep during the car ride… 'home' with my boss's employee. Edward was kind of weird. I mean, I guess everyone is weird in their own way. I know that_ I_ can be weird…. Well, my eighteen year old self could be weird. I wasn't so sure about my twenty three year old self. But Edward was always fidgeting. Always putting his hands through his hair and constantly moving _some_ part of his body at all times. Like, his leg would hike up and down in the car. He played with the radio and adjusted his seat or vents at red lights. He only looked at me once or twice and kept his eyes strictly on the road. I stayed awake long enough to observe this about him and then I had eventually fallen asleep.

I was sleepy a lot lately, which was to be expected. Really, I hadn't had a dream since I initially woke up in the hospital. So, I pretty much just went to sleep and woke up. It's not like I'd know what to dream about anyway. This whole scenario seemed like a dream.

My eyes stayed shut with sleep again as I began to wake up. I turned my body over into a more comfortable position and my eyes snapped open. All that was in front of me was the fabric of a white couch. I sat up and looked around in a slight panic before I realized that this was my… 'home' with… Mike. No one was around me. Edward must have dropped me here and Mike must be… I don't know, not here.

Everything was so clean and looked so modern. This apartment was _huge_. The living room and dining room floors were hardwood and immaculate. The couches in the living room were all white and spotless. And they helped to center out the giant flat screen television that hung on the white wall in front of me.

"Whoa…," I whispered to myself. I mean, that thing was _huge_. It definitely had to be, diagonally, the length of my five foot, four inch body. Who, really, needs that big of a television? I would never agree to get something as extravagant as this. This whole place screamed expensive. Oh geez… I hope… I _hope_ that I'm not some sort of… gold digger. Ugh, I hated that phrase. I seriously would cry if I changed that much. I didn't find it possible for me to become something like that, but I couldn't remember the last five years and anything could've happened.

"You're awake!" I heard an unfortunately familiar voice said eagerly. My body jumped up from his voice piercing the silence and I looked to my right and none other than Mike was standing in a doorway that led to downward stairs. He came towards me and sat on the other side of the couch. "You must be confused." Hmm… no shit Sherlock.

"Yeah, a little bit," I said softly.

"Don't worry. I'm going to give you the deluxe tour of the Newton residence. I have a feeling that you're going to fall in love all over again," he paused for a few seconds. "Well, with the house." I nodded quickly. "Okay, let's get started," he got up from the couch and held out a hand for me to take.

"This is obviously our living room. That flat screen is mainly for show. We don't watch too much television. And over there is our dining room. We usually don't eat there unless we have guests. Actually, we don't really eat together much what with my job and yours. We're a power couple, honey, and a pretty great one," he said with a proud smile. Power couple? Oh geez. So I eat alone? How sad. "Most of the time you eat with Alice, though, so don't worry about not having company," he said, as if he were reading my mind. I nodded at everything he said, just taking in my life one nod at a time. "When we're home for dinner, we usually eat here at the kitchen bar. This thing can double as a regular bar for when we have parties and it's very convenient," he said, patting his hand down on the shiny marble bar top.

"We have Anthony to cook on the days that we eat here and you don't feel like cooking. He also cleans around the house. It's not much of a big job because we don't make a mess, but he always goes above and beyond." A butler? That's interesting. I'm so used to fending for myself and doing my own work around the house. This will be a big change. "He will help you around the kitchen, seeing as I don't go in there very often," he said, pointing to the appliances in the kitchen. Just keep nodding, just keep nodding, just keep nodding, nodding, nodding. Oh, how I love Finding Nemo.

"Down these stairs over here," he pointed to the set of stairs he came up previously, "there is my home office and yours too. Most of the time we don't use it, but for occasions like this," he gestured to me," I like to stay home and work." I nodded again, almost feeling like a robot. "All the way down this hall is your den. It's where you can spend some time alone or with Alice and other friends. I'm not allowed in there, so I'll let Alice bring you in there," I grinned at the fact that I could have my own personal space. I could get away from all of this and just relax. Plus, I found it amusing that I wouldn't let him into my den. "Haha, you like the sound of that," he said, taking in my facial expression. "It was always your favorite room in the apartment." I'd imagine. We started walking, but stopped right before another door.

"Um, this is our, uh, bedroom…," he stuttered. Oh. Right. _We_ have a bedroom… together. He looked at the door while he spoke to me. "Are you ready to, um, see it?" he asked. I don't know what he was getting so worked up about. It was just a room… that was happened to share. Well, I could always escape to my den when the situation called for it. That den made all of this a lot easier for me. I had an escape route.

"Yeah, sure," I said casually. I was actually pretty anxious to see where I'd been sleeping up until a few days ago. I grabbed the door knob and turned it slowly, making this moment more suspenseful than it needed to be. Mike slipped behind me, letting me lead the way.

I tentatively stepped into my… _our_ bedroom not knowing, really, what to expect. Mike was on my tail, following too close behind. I could hear his breathing loud and clear and he seemed extremely nervous. When I reached the middle of the room, I stopped abruptly and looked around. Mike bumped into me and apologized, saying that he was just trying to be precautious. I wasn't listening. I was looking around the room.

It was a huge master bedroom with a connected bathroom and walk-in closet. It felt so… off. I mean, this house was huge and so nice, but it didn't feel right to me. Then again, I didn't know if anything would ever feel right to me again.

There was a king sized bed up against the center of the wall across from another larger than life flat screen. A balcony jutted from the room at the far right side of the room with a marvelous view of the Seattle Shuttle. I didn't get a good look at the bathroom, but it looked very nice. I could see a hint of a large bathtub, possibly a Jacuzzi. All of this was seriously too much. I went from being on the brink of poverty with my parents to being fairly wealthy with… Mike Newton. It all just seemed like a dream. All too surreal.

"Why are there so many sunflowers?" I asked as I took in my surroundings. There were at least eight different sunflower plants scattered around the windows and hanging from the top of the balcony. I felt Mike shrug behind me.

"You love sunflowers," he answered simply. Well, at least that was true. But I didn't love them enough to put a million of them in my bedroom. Or, at least, I didn't _think_ I did. Mike's arms snaked around my waist and he turned me around to give him a hug.

"I missed you. I missed you so much," Mike said as he closed his eyes and leaned his lips down toward mine. I didn't move. My eyes looked frantically around the room for anything that could stop him without making him feel so rejected. His lips had touched mine for about three seconds before and idea came to me like a lightening bolt in a clear as day sky. I backed away quickly and gasped.

"I remember something!" I said quickly, hoping that he'd understand what I said even though they were jumble from the rate I was speaking at. Mike looked at me enthusiastically, like he were about to scream with joy.

"What? What do you remember?" he asked eagerly.

"I– I remember, um, I remember… I can't– I can't remember… what… I remembered…," I said with a defeated look on my face. Mike sat us both down on the bed and took my hand.

"It's okay, it's okay. You probably just got a little overwhelmed. It'll be fine," he reassured. I nodded slowly and looked away from him and at the balcony. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and I couldn't help but pull away from him. My action was oblivious to him, though and he just did it again.

"Do you wanna try that again? Maybe… you will remember again…," he suggested. My eyes widened with fear and I waited a few seconds before my face was blank before turning to him.

"I, uh, I don't know if I –" I was cut off by a knock on the door.

"Hey, Mike, I got everythi–" Edward opened the door then and saw me sitting with Mike. Mike's hand was on my neck and I felt embarrassed by this situation. I surreptitiously shook his hand from my neck and looked away. My face was heating up with a blush of embarrassment. "Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. I'll just, uh wait for you outside…," Edward said. I could see a blush creep up his face quickly, but as soon as it came, it went.

"No, Edward, you weren't interrupting. I was just getting Bella acquainted with the apartment. Come in," Mike said politely. Edward looked from me to Mike once and came in hesitantly. "Continue…"

"Oh, right, um, I was just saying that everything is set up for tomorrow night," Edward explained as he fidgeted. Mike smiled widely and stood up.

"That's great, Edward. I knew I could count on you for something like this. Everyone respects you so highly. You really can pull in the favors," Mike said enthusiastically, patting Edward on the back. "I'll go talk to Anthony about it right now," he stopped walking to the door and turned around to me. "Oh, I haven't told her yet. Could you please fill her in, Edward? I'll be back in five/ten minutes," Mike asked politely. Edward nodded quickly and Mike was gone from the room. I looked up at Edward questioningly. He looked at my expression and chuckled.

"Your husband is throwing you a 'Welcome Home' party. He's inviting all of your friends and family. He thinks it'll help you remember," he clarified for me. My eyes widened slightly with fear and I started to play with my fingers. Edward looked around the room and walked to one of the sunflower plants on the table. He started to fiddle with the petals between his thumb and index finger.

"Will that… having a party, seeing all those people help? You know with my memory?" I asked with clear trepidation in my voice. Edward's face twisted into a smirk as he continued to play with the plant.

"It could. It all depends on you," he answered after a moment, the smirk still evident on his face.

"What do you mean?"

"In cases like yours, when there is little head injury to cause such a great memory loss, usually the memory is being blocked out by your own subconscious. The damage to your brain just helps you to block it when you can't by yourself. The brain usually doesn't protect as much the memories it doesn't want, making those memories more susceptible to the damage you endured…," he stopped rambling for a moment and was thinking. Honestly, I hadn't really taken in much of what he said. He was just mumbling and rambling, almost to himself. "It just sucks that those bad memories got mixed in with the good ones…," he rambled on. "And I've seen it happen in a small handful of my father's patients… it pretty much sucks balls…," he said in a serious tone. I couldn't help but laugh. He stopped rambling and looked at me with a smile. I kept laughing and he eventually started to laugh with me.

"I can't believe you said that with such a straight face," I mused as the laughter died down, wiping tears from my eyes.

"Yeah, well, it's true," he responded. I shrugged.

"It's not that bad. I mean, it's pretty bad, but it's not like I can't get a handle on everything. Even if I don't get my memory back, my friends and… Mike… can clue me in on everything going on with me. I'll get the hang of it eventually. Well, at least, that's what I keep trying to tell myself. I just have to deal with the cards I've been dealt," Edward went back to fiddling with sunflower as I spoke. "And my memory could come back. You never know," I finished with a smile. He looked at me with a tiny smile.

"You're right." I nodded and brushed pretend dust of my shoulders.

"I usually am," I said with a chuckled, earning a grin from him.

"So, we are all ready for this shindig!" Mike said loudly as he walked into the room with a garment bag over his arm. "Alice picked this out for you for tomorrow. She said that you had had your eye on it for a while and she bought it for you," he explained as he handed me the garment bag. "She also mentioned that you could wear flats. Apparently, she thinks that this is all her fault. You know, since you were on your way home from her bridal shower or bachlorette party or whatever you girls call it." I stood up and took the garment bag from Mike before putting it down on the bed. There was an awkward silence as we just stood there, waiting for someone to say something. I started to sway back and forth on my feet as the silence drew on.

"I've, uh, got to go," Edward said abruptly. Mike nodded. "Is there anything more I can do?" he asked, looking from Mike to me and then back to Mike.

"No, no, you've done more than enough. Thank you so much, Edward. I'll see you at noon tomorrow for work," Mike told him. Edward glanced at me, nodded, and left the room. When I looked at Mike, he was staring at me expectantly. He wasn't still going on about kissing me, was he? Ridiculous.

"Hey, Mike, do you mind if I have some time for myself?" I asked before he could ask anything. He looked down at the floor.

"Uh, yeah, sure. Just, if you need anything, come find me," he said before walking slowly out of the room. Once the door was shut, I sighed and plopped down on the bed.

"Oh!" I said in surprise when I realized that I had sat down on Alice's dress. Well, my dress, but Alice's gift to me. I decided to take a peek at what I'd be wearing tomorrow for fun.

I raised the garment bag and almost dropped the dress when I saw it. It was beautiful and looked expensive._ I_ had had my eye on _this_? I had great taste in two thousand and nine! I lifted the garment bag completely off the hanger and let it fall to the floor at my feet. I couldn't believe that I had _sat_ on this just a few moments earlier!

The dress in front of me was black and silky. It was strapless and had a ruffle feel to it, but it wasn't overwhelming. It was so perfect. I got curious about the price, so I spared a glance at the tag. Holy shit. This dress was three thousand, thirty six dollars?! Holy fucking shit. I covered my mouth with my right hand and almost squealed. _I_ had had my eye on _this_? This Alice girl must really love me to spend three thousand, some odd dollars on me.

I quickly slipped the garment bag back onto the dress and made my way to the closet door. I stopped in front of it and just decided to handle my closet another day. I couldn't take much more in only one day. I was going to crash or something.

There wasn't much else to do and I was tired again. The bed looked so inviting from across the room and it pulled me in with it's tempting down pillows and blankets on top of a soft, comfortable, spring-less mattress. I was easily persuaded to just fall asleep for the day, so I hopped into the king sized bed and fell asleep almost instantly.

I had a dream for the first time since I could remember that night. It was kind of confusing. The dream kept cutting from cliff diving that first time with Jacob, Jessica, and Angela to First Beach at the La Push reservation. But it was mostly showing my diving experience. And just as I was about to hurl myself off the cliff, someone started shaking me awake. I woke up with my heart racing frantically and sat up.

"What? What? What's wrong?" I said in a daze. I saw Mike hovering over and figured that he was the culprit. He looked at me sheepishly.

"Bella, I'm sorry to wake you up. I know, it's really late – it's around two in the morning. I'm sorry, but… um… I, uh, usually… I usually sleep on the left side of the bed," he stuttered out finally. I looked at him incredulously with tired eyes. He didn't laugh and tell me it was a joke.

"Oh," I finally said. He slipped in next to me as I slid over to the right side of the bed, maneuvering my broken left arm so that Mike couldn't touch it while he slept. I was kind of surprised.

Not at how he woke me up in the middle of the night for something as stupid as a bed. That wasn't so surprising, considering that he was Mike and he was completely ignorant. It was because, as far as I could… remember, I _never _slept on the right side of the bed… ever. It was just... something that I had always insisted on. It was a quirk. It was something that made me... _me_.

***A/N: Sorry that I re-updated this chapter. I found some things that I wanted to smooth over. Also, there's a link to Bella's outfit for the party on my profile if you want to check that out. So, review for a preview I guess. Much love.  
**

**-Erin (erinjeni, reed4funxeb)**


	6. Panic

***A/N: Just revised a lot. Changing words and adding to the chapter. Don't mind me. :) Enjoy.**

Who Am I?

Chapter 6: Panic

BPOV

Mike was gone the next morning when I woke up. I looked around in confusion for a few minutes before I realized where I was. I was twenty-three and married to Mike Newton. I shook my head hard and blinked my eyes several dozen times before resuming looking around. There was a note left on Mike's pillow.

_Went to the store with Anthony. Be back around 3. Party starts at 7._

Sweet. This meant time alone. I sat up in bed and chanced a glance at the alarm clock. It was twelve. So, I had three hours alone to wander. I got up and dragged myself across the room to the closet. The dress that Alice had given me was still hanging up in alll of its glory. Without actually thinking about it, I decided to take a look at it again and make sure that I wasn't hallucinating. Head injuries tend to make one conjur up hallucinations.

The zipper was already open, but I clearly remembered closing it all the way. Mike must've looked at it out of curiosity. I would've done the same thing. Although that didn't soothe the annoyance that clearly came with any thought of my "new" husband.

The dress looked exactly the same as it did when I had left it last night – still silky and still beautiful. I smiled to myself at the thought of wearing this tonight… at the party… where I would have to meet a bunch of strangers… and not ruin this three thousand dollar dress. My smile quickly faded as those thoughts floated around in my mind. _Pressure._

I slid the dress back into the garment bag and hung it up again. There was plenty of time to get ready later. Right now it was time to explore the house a little further. I tip toed out of the bedroom, despite the fact that no one was home, and looked around the emty house. The first room that I wanted to check out, the one place that had been on my mind, was my den. My place of solitude.

I looked around the quiet house and tried to remember which hallway went where. Everything looked somewhat familiar, but I wasn't sure of anything. The hallway next to the kitchen looked promising and familiar, so I started walking toward it. There were paintings and pictures hanging along walls of the hall and staring was inevitable. Many of the people in these pictures were unrecognizable to me. I did recognized, though, my parents and Mike of course. Jake was in one or two. Otherwise… no one looked particularly familiar. The few paintings were… modern, but still pretty. They didn't look like something _I…_the old me… would pick out, but fine to look at nonetheless.

The door to my den was a lighter shade of wood than the rest of the doors in the house. It seemed lighter and happier. It had my name carved into it… my full _maiden_ name: Isabella Marie Swan. I smiled at the thought of bearing that name again, especially since I preferred Isabella to Bella. Bella was just… easier. No Isabella Marie Swan _Newton_. Ugh, gross.

Said door opened abruptly and I was met with a nervous Edward Cullen. His eyes widened at the sight of me standing in front of him. I guess that I wasn't expected. But wasn't this my den? I didn't even let Mike in there. There was no way that I would let his employee in here.

"Hey…," I said tentatively with a small wave. "What are you doing in there? Or in Mike's... my apartment for that matter?" I asked awkwardly. He stood in the doorway, shifting from foot to foot. I waited for a response.

"I have a key… from… Mike. I, um, I forgot my, um, sweatshirt in… here…," he answered. My eyebrows shot up. He was, indeed, holding a sweatshirt.

"I let you in there?" I gestured to the room he was blocking. "I don't let Mike in there. But I let you in there?" His eyes shifted down to the sweatshirt in his hands and I could see his hands fidgeting under it.

"Yeah, Alice… your best friend… is my sister. We're close siblings and … I do all the heavy lifting when she decides to feng shui your den…," he finished quietly. So, what I got from that was that he was Alice's brother, they're very close and like to hangout, and he moves my furniture because we can't. I nodded.

"Okay… I –"

"How's your arm?" he asked suddenly while backing into the den. I followed and looked down at my broken arm. The white cast around it was still white. There were no signatures on it or any "Get well soon" written on it. It was just... blank.

"It's… all right. Thanks for asking. It's a little tough to get around and do… stuff in, but I'm managing so far. Nothing really… needs to be done yet. Only… changing and using the… facilities… is difficult." My face grew hot in embarrassment. I was talking about this to a sort of stranger. Or… whatever.

Edward laughed and I chuckled at myself, but let my eyes widen at my stupidity when he looked away. "You can use phrases like 'going to the bathroom' and 'taking showers'. You don't have to be embarrassed. We're… close enough… acquaintances to mention such informal behavior." I laughed at him this time. His gaze returned to me. "What?"

"The way you use your words is pretty funny. Or as you would say 'The method in which you speak is humorous'. See the difference?" I asked with a chuckle. He looked at me, his eyebrows furrowed and a smile playing on his lips. I just shrugged and looked away, my face heating up again slightly.

"Interesting…," he whispered to himself. I looked back at him.

"What?" I asked even though it probably wasn't meant for me to hear.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing," he looked at the door. "I've got to… go now," he walked towards the door. "If you need help with anything, call me. My number…," he stopped and thought for a few seconds. "I'll write it…," he stopped again. "My number is in your address book, I'm sure. I believe that Mike keeps it next to the door to his office." He turned to leave then without saying goodbye. I just stood there looking after him. I heard his footsteps and the door to the apartment shut. After a few minutes the home phone rang.

I ran out of the room and down the hallway, looking around for the phone. It rang again and I looked in the direction that the sound came from. I spotted the phone and its receiver on the small table next to the door to Mike's office. Sitting next to it was the address book.

I ran to the phone and glanced at the Caller ID quickly, realizing that I probably wouldn't recognize the number, and picked it up.

"Hello?" I said quietly. I heard a small sigh through the phone.

"I'm sorry, Isabella, I forgot to say goodbye…," Edward said on the other line. My brows furrowed in confusion.

"Oh," I said awkwardly. "It's okay."

"And now my number is on the Caller ID if you need anything… so, bye," he finished.

"Bye," I said awkwardly, but with a smile. He was an extremely odd person. I hung up the phone and looked around the house. It was just as immaculate as it had been yesterday. Then, I realized that I hadn't actually looked around my den when I was in there. And I was tired… _already_.

I sighed and walked to the couch, plopped down, and reached for the remote. Yeah, for show my ass. There was no way that I'd let a T.V. like this go to waste – especially since it was such an extravagance. I dozed off to the sound of the Full House theme song.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

"Bella?" And unfamiliar voice called out to me. "Bella?" I squirmed around on the couch and let my brain comprehend my situation. I was twenty-three and married to Mike Newton. My eyes snapped open to reveal who I presumed to be Alice.

The person before me could only be explained as pixie-like. But she had an edge. Her short black hair spiked out in all directions and her stature was a few inches below my five foot 4 inches. I could tell even just lying down. She looked dressed for a party. Wait. _My_ party. Shit, I had to get ready! How long had I dozed off for? And why didn't Mike wake me up? I sat up abruptly and winced as my arm collided with Alice's.

"Oh! I'm sorry, Bella! I'm sorry! It's just that you've got to get ready for your party! Mike called me and asked me to help you with everything!" She looked extremely excited and very beautiful in her attire. She was wearing a short, coral pink dress. There was a lengthy piece of fabric which was brought up to the dress's waist band. The straps of the dress were beaded and crisscrossed with gold thread. She wore gold kitten heels and held a gold leathery clutch. Her bracelet was particularly intriguing. It looked like some sort of charm bracelet. **(A/N: Link to outfit on my profile. I'm pretty bad at descriptions, lol)**.

"Are you ready to get up?" she asked finally. I nodded and got myself up off the couch. Alice linked arms with me and led me toward the master bedroom. My feet stumbled along to keep up with her frantic pace.

"Oh! I'm Alice!" she stated before hitting the palm of her hand into her forehead. "I can't believe I forgot to tell you! I'm just so used to us being best friends… I… I'm sorry. I, um, we _are_ best friends in case you were wondering." She seemed to be nervous, being a lot like her brother in that way. I chuckled and my face grew red as I remembered what had happened earlier.

"It's okay," I said finally. "I figured that you were Alice. I've been told a lot about you." Her face lit up like a Christmas tree.

"You have?" she said with a grin. I nodded.

"Yeah, of course. I mean, you're my… best friend. Mike and Jake told me a little bit about you. And your brother, Edward, too," I told her. She looked confused.

"You talked to Edward?" she asked. I nodded again as I sat down on the master bed.

"Well, he visited me in the hospital for Mike and drove me home for Mike. He seems to do a lot for Mike...," I said thoughtfully. Did Mike really not care at all? Or was he just lazy? "Actually, he was here a few hours ago. He left his sweater in the den," I told her, again remembering our awkward conversation. This time, _she_ nodded.

"Oh, right. I think he mentioned that," Alice said absentmindedly as she took out the expensive but beautiful dress that I'd be wearing out of its garment bag.

"Alice?" I called to her cautiously. She looked over to me.

"Yeah?" I looked down at my hands.

"You really shouldn't have bought such an _expensive_ dress for me. I mean, I appreciate it! You have no idea. But a three thousand dollar dress really isn't necessary…," I finished quietly. She placed the dress on the bed and looked at me skeptically.

"Nonsense, Bella! You were coming home from _my_ engagement party!" she expressed.

"But –"

"Let me finish. I feel so bad! I let you go drive by yourself even though I knew that you shouldn't have. I should have called... someone to pick you up! It was a stupid mistake," she rambled. "And I only got in for two thousand some odd dollars, Bella. It really isn't that much money to me. You'll get that as time goes by."

"Okay," I said simply. There was no use fighting this one. She really did seem like she could be my best friend. "I like your bracelet," I added, trying to change the subject. She smiled widely.

"You should. You got it for me."

"Really?" I asked, surprised. Aw, I'm such a good friend.

"Yes. You got it for me for my birthday last month. It is a Disney Couture Tinkerbell Bell bracelet. You said it reminded you of me because I remind you of Tinkerbell. You know, what with my fairy-like demeanor," she answered with a light laugh. Even her laugh was fairy-like. I smiled again. That seemed like the old me. It seemed like something _I _would get for a friend like Alice. And all of these similarities to my old self were catching up to the differences.

"All right, let's get you showered and dressed for this shindig!" I nodded and headed toward the bathroom to take a shower. "Wait!" shouted Alice. "Here, you can't get your cast wet." She wrapped a plastic bag around my left arm and tied it tight. "Okay, now you can go. If you need help, just shout." With that, I was off to wash myself.

After a fairly difficult and awkward shower, I managed to dry myself off with a towel in the bathroom. I made my way back into the master bedroom to find the balcony door open and Alice roaming around out there. I stood by the bed and waited for her to notice me. Not wanting to interrupt her, I just watched. She was talking softly to several of the sunflower plants out there.

"You're a young one," she said to a smaller plant. "I bet that you're from about… six weeks ago," she cooed before looking up. I looked away as she spotted me and waited for her to get back into the room. "You always… talk to them. To help them… grow," she explained. I just nodded. We stood there not talking for a few seconds.

"Okay, let's start with your hair and make up!" Alice said abruptly, but excitedly. I smiled and took the seat in front of a mirror that she offered me. I closed my eyes and dozed off while she worked her magic.

"Bella?" I heard Alice call after what must've been about an hour. "Geez, Bella, you sleep a lot." I smiled and opened my eyes. My gaze landed on the mirror in front of me and my mouth dropped open in a large grin. My hair was done beautiful in very loose curls, almost waves, but not quite. My face was done up perfectly. Everything from the subtle redness of my lips to the grey-silver eye shadow on my eyelids was flawless.

"This is great, Alice!" I told her sincerely. "Very professional," I added as I got up to look closer. She really was good. I wondered if she was _actually_ a professional at this.

"Thank you!" she beamed. "Now for the hard part…," she said as she looked to the dress lying on the master bed. "You always mess this part up by yourself. Let's try not to get make up on your very pretty dress." I laughed loudly, but quickly shut my mouth. I _would_ ruin my very expensive dress and mess up my flawless make up through my clumsiness.

"It's okay," Alice said. "You can laugh. I know that you do this to me on purpose," she said with a sigh. I laughed again and stood up, dropping the towel, as Alice stood on the bed to lift the dress above me. She carefully and skillfully slid the dress onto my body. I closed my eyes and waited for the dress to be fully on my body until I opened them again. There was no make up on the dress, thankfully. I clapped my hands together and offered Alice a high five. She fisted my open palm.

"Turkey!" she exclaimed.

"Turkey?" I asked. She chuckled and rolled her eyes.

"Yeah! Your fingers are the feathers and my fist is the body. Turkey," she explained. I laughed and followed Alice to my closet.

She opened my closet and I chanced a glance. Oh, geez. Too many things in there. Whoa, big closet. Whoa, so much clothing. I turned around and sat on the bed. So many colors. Alice looked back and rolled her eyes.

"You reacted the exact same way when I set this up for you," she mused. "I'll just grab a few of your favorite _flats_ and let you choose." I nodded and waited patiently as Alice rummaged through the contents of my closet. A few minutes later, she came out with three pairs of flats. "Okay, pick," she ordered.

I examined each pair of flats pretty carefully, nervous about what Alice would think of my pick. One pair was plain black, but had a silver bow atop it. Another was _silver_ and had a _black_ bow atop it. And another pair was shiny silver and had a silver bow atop a few ruffles. It kind of fit the feel of my dress, so I picked those. **(A/N: Bella's outfit link is on my profile as well)**.

"You _would_ pick those," Alice remarked with a laugh. I tilted my head in confusion. "Nothing, nothing. I like those the best, too." I quickly slipped on the flats and Alice led me to my dresser. "Okay, now pick a necklace to wear. Preferably something silver," she demanded. I looked through jewelry box after jewelry box. Everything was _very_ beautiful. But nothing fit my mood. I opened a small jewelry box, the smallest jewelry box, that was shaped like a star. Inside was a starfish shaped necklace all by its lonesome. I smiled and took it out.

"This one," I said to Alice, who had been watching me carefully. She narrowed her eyes as she looked at the necklace and nodded slowly. I undid the clasp and tightened it around my neck. Alice nodded again and sighed.

"Okay, that's all you need for tonight. People should be getting here in –" The door bell rang to finish her question and we left to stand in the dining room, which was now decorated with… one balloon. Wow. This was some shindig. There were gorgeous china plates and silverware and glasses decorating the table, but there were no decorations. No streamers or balloons or anything. Adult parties… _fun_. Or, more accurately, fancy parties… _fun_.

One after one, people I didn't recognize came walking through the door. There was the occasional person I _did_ recognize, though. Charlie, Renee, Jake, and people from high school. Jessica even came. She was pregnant, actually, and very happy with Eric Yorkie as her husband. We exchanged pleasantries, but it was obvious that we hated each other now. I'd have to ask some one about that. Angela came and, apparently, we worked together at the magazine. She was still so nice. She _did _always have my back, from what I remember. Jessica on the other hand…

I met Jake's fiancée, Leah. She was gorgeous and I told Jake exactly that. He was one lucky guy. Jake got Leah. I got… Mike Newton. Whatever. I'm not resentful _at all_. Hah.

Alice informed me that I had another best friend named Rosalie. I met her model-esque self about half an hour through the party when she arrived. My self esteem was divided by about… fifteen thousand when she walked up to me and introduced herself. She was wearing the same color pallet as I was, except she wore it much better. **(A/N: Her outfit link is on my profile, too).** And her date, Emmett, was _huge_… and gorgeous. His muscles weren't overly built, they were just _big_ and they bulged through his tux if you looked close enough.

I also met Alice's fiancée, Jasper, who was also fucking gorgeous. These ridiculously gorgeous people made me resent even more my choice to marry Mike… whatever that choice may be. I still have not figured it out.

And then Edward walked in. The most gorgeous of them all. He confronted me and thanked me for 'excusing his presence earlier' that day. I called his speaking out again and told him it was no problem. He walked away laughing. I sighed as he did so.

Aside from those stand out people, _everyone_ came over to me. They hugged me and introduced themselves. Alice and Rose stood next to me the entire time and told me what we _really_ thought of them and what 'scandals' they had partaken in. I felt like Jack in the Titanic. If only Molly Brown were here to lighten up the mood.

I hardly saw Mike the whole night, but that was A-Okay with me as far as I was concerned. I'd much rather have Alice's arm around me than Mike's. After about an hour of mingling and re-meeting, we all sat down to eat. I was at the one head of the table and Mike was at the other end. Alice and Rose were on either side of me.

"All right, everyone!" Mike addressed the table as Anthony brought out the main course. "Let's play a sort of game to help out Bella!" he suggested. "Here's how its gunna go," he stood up. "We're gunna start with Alice. I want everyone to reminisce one encounter that you had with Bella. Maybe it'll help you remember, Bells." I cringed as he said 'Bells' and looked to Alice. She giggled, seeming to know what had caused me to wince. "Okay, Alice?"

"Hmm… so many to choose from…," Alice mused as she rubbed her chin jokingly. "Okay," she started with a laugh, "I remember one time, about a year ago, we went to Bloomingdale's to Christmas shop. You grabbed some sort of silk designer scarf from a table of them and they all fell off the table like an avalanche." There were a few laughs around the table. "But as you were picking them up, which was hard because they kept slipping out of your hands, you realized that they had fallen and completely covered a three year old whose mother was busy looking at leather bags." My mouth opened in surprise and shook my head, laughing at my stupidity. So embarrassing. I heard several "just like hers" and "Bellas" being said around the table.

One by one, everyone began telling stories about my own life. Most of them were embarrassing, others were very nice, and there was the occasional pointless story that everyone pretended to laugh at for the sake of the person telling the story. It was weird, though, as the line of stories reached Edward.

He thought for a few seconds. "Nothing really comes to mind," he said simply. My brows furrowed in confusion and my head tilted.

"Really?" Mike asked in surprise. "Nothing at all? There has to be _something_," he dug. Edward just shook his head.

"Nope, I can't think of anything right now."

"Okay, we can go back to you at the end and see what's going on." Mike brushed him off and moved to the next person. I, on the other hand, was left thinking about that. If he was allowed in my den, there had to be _some_ stupid feng shui story he could tell. It didn't make sense. He did a lot of errands for Mike, as well. Why wasn't there at least _one_ story for him to tell?

Soon, everyone was done with their main course and their stories. Mike didn't go back to Edward like he had said he would. I was disappointed to say the least. Mike had also eyed me eating my pasta during dinner. I wasn't supposed to eat carbs, but I guess he was letting it slide for now. Anthony went around taking coffee and tea orders. Alice had informed me that there would be a dessert cart going around as well.

Alice and Rose were soon caught up in their own conversation and I got a chance to listen in on other people's conversations. Jessica and Eric were having a seemingly intense conversation and I decided to listen in on them for the fun of it. It wasn't like they were making it very secretive anyway. I could hear them clearly from where I sat.

"… don't know why I even came. I had to make up that _stupid _fucking story about us actually being _nice_ to each other? I should've just done it like Cullen and passed out on my turn. She is such a _bitch_," she uttered callously. Every one was suddenly silent and looking from me to Jessica. I looked down at my plate.

"Excuse me…," I said politely and walked quickly into the master bedroom. I was in there pacing back and forth for about half a second before I heard Mike come in behind me. I just kept pacing and began to rant about everything that _didn't_ have to do with Jessica because I just needed to get this out.

"This isn't fair," I began. "I'm tired! I'm always tired! And I'm sick of sleeping! I'm sick of walking around without any clue as to where I'm going! I don't know– I don't know any of the people in there! I mean, I know my family and Jake and a few others from a _long_ time ago, but everyone has _changed_. Everyone is _different_. And I feel like I'm a little kid at her first day of kindergarten. Everything is new and so, _so_ different." I was pacing wildly back and forth, but paused speaking and walking to catch my breath. "And I just… I just want to go home. To _my_ home. To somewhere where I feel _normal_ and _familiar_. I don't know my relationship with these people and I feel like they expect me to and I don't think I can handle that…," I finished quietly.

"I love you," he breathed. And it was the perfect thing to say, despite the fact that I didn't love him.

Whoa, wait a minute. Mike didn't follow me in? _Mike didn't follow me in here._ Edward did. _Edward just said that._ He stood before me looking extremely vulnerable and, of course, nervous.

I shook my head and choked on air. "I'm sorry, what?" I choked out between breaths.

***A/N: Longest chapter yet, amigos! :) I hoped you liked it! Of course, review for a preview of the next chapter. **

**Much love,**

**Erin (erinjeni, reed4funxeb)**

**P.S. I am insanely sorry for taking so long. You can hate me… :( **


	7. Pandemonium

Who Am I?

Chapter 7: Pandemonium

BPOV

_I shook my head and choked on air. "I'm sorry, what?" I choked out between breaths._

Edward's eyes widened and he covered his mouth quickly with both of his hands. My eyes were practically popping out of my head and my jaw was unhinged and hanging open in shock. His horrified face probably mimicked mine.

"I wasn't supposed to say that. I wasn't supposed to say that. I wasn't supposed to say that. _I wasn't supposed to say that_," he repeated over and over again once he had removed his hands from his mouth. I shook my head incredulously.

"Uh… _what_?" I asked as I finally managed to use my voice. Edward stopped talking to himself and looked over at me. He still looked horrified, but he looked defeated as his shoulders slumped.

"Um… I love you?" He said softly and questionably. My horrified expression didn't change.

"What… what do you mean? As a friend? Or… not as a–"

"I am _in_ _love_ with you," he cut me off softly, yet forcefully. I covered my face with my hands, not caring about my make up at the moment. "But _you_ love _me_! You're in love with me, too! This– this is a mutual thing here!" He defended as he gestured between us. I spread my fingers apart, allowing myself to peek at him from behind my face. It was quiet for a minute as I took in what he'd said.

"I don't understand," I whispered finally. He sighed and moved to put his hand on my shoulder. I stepped away from him before he could touch me.

"We're, you and I, we're having… we're in love," he explained. I narrowed my eyes at him and crossed my arms across my chest.

"Yeah, I kind of heard you the first time!" I exploded. "I don't understand what you're trying to tell me! Are you saying that I've been… having an affair? An _affair_?" I questioned seriously, trying to keep my voice down as low as possible. This was ridiculous. There was no way that I was having an affair. I just _wasn't_ that kind of person. It may have been five years, but a girl has to have standards! I was _not_ a whore or home wrecker.

"I…," he paused momentarily. "Yes." I shook my head vehemently. There was no way.

"Are you… are you fucking with my mind or something?! What? Is this your way of fucking around with the girl with memory loss? Is everybody fucking in on this?" I questioned angrily, cursing like a toilet. Or having a potty mouth. Whatever that expression may be. "The jig is up! I know your joke!" I said loudly, expecting everyone to walk in laughing and pointing at me. It would be better than this. Edward's face paled and his face expressed sheer panic. Oh, God. He wasn't joking.

"No, no, no, no, no! Be quiet, Isabella!" He whisper shouted. My mouth opened wide to shout out again, but small realization hit me. I stopped right before I was about to shout out again, leaving my mouth hanging open. He called me Isabella. He had called me Isabella the other day on the phone, too. He called me Isabella. My arms dropped from my chest and my eyebrows furrowed as I stared at him.

"What? What?" he asked nervously, casting glances at the door to make sure nobody came in from my outburst.

"You just… called me Isabella," I told him. It almost sounded like a question. His expression softened slightly from the panic he was showing just a minute ago.

"You prefer… Isabella…," he answered with a short smile.

"_I_ know that. How do _you_ know that?" I asked. He looked down at his hands and sighed.

"I told you already…," he answered softly. I looked away from him.

"Oh," I said simply. This still didn't make sense. He was Alice's brother. He would've hung out with us and I was sure that I would have told Alice that I prefer Isabella to Bella. If she was my best friend, I definitely did. If he ever wanted to try something on me, this would be the _perfect_ opportunity. I still didn't think that I could ever cheat on my husband– even if that husband was Mike. There was just… no fucking way.

"No…," I whispered. "No," I repeated louder and determined. Edward looked up at me. "I… I don't cheat on my husband. I don't cheat on anything or anyone!" I defended myself firmly. "I'm the type of person who returns their library books early! I never chewed gum in school. I never texted in school. I never even _tried_ to _talk_ during a test," I told him as I began to pace again. "I am _not_ a cheater. I always did my chores at home when asked and I never copied anyone's homework," I explained. "I'm not a cheater," I repeated. "I'm not. I'm not. I'm just _not_!" Edward just stood there soundlessly and watched as I paced back and forth in front of him, probably digging a trail into the expensive carpet beneath me.

I looked at him and clenched my jaw with determination. "You can get out now." His face paled further and he looked… hurt.

"But–"

"No," I cut him off. "You… you are _screwing_ with my already fragile mind and I need you to leave. Mike and I… we're happy. You can't just come in here and fuck with me," I paused to think of how badly I would _want_ to him to fuck with me if he wasn't bullshitting me, but moved the thought aside. "I'm not a toy. I'm a person. I have a beautiful apartment and a steady husband and income. This is the life that I have dreamed about. This is _ideal_ for me," I told him. He just stared at me. "You don't understand. You wouldn't understand."

"Do you love him?" he asked abruptly.

"Excuse me?" I asked, startled.

"Do you love him?" he repeated. No one spoke. I wasn't actually sure if I loved Mike. Definitely not sure. I actually wasn't sure of anything anymore. But I sure as hell wasn't a cheater.

"I… I'm sure that I do…," I answered hesitantly and pathetically. He scoffed. I narrowed my eyes at him and his smug demeanor. "You know what? Even if I _didn't_ love Mike, what makes you think that I would choose _you_ to have an affair with?" I barked at him. My eyes raked his body then and my resolve wavered slightly. He _was_ damn fucking hot. I shook my head once and let my eyes wander back to his. He hadn't noticed my quick assessment. His eyes were glued to the floor.

A frustrated sound came from his mouth before he looked up at me. There was fierceness in his eyes that made me take another step back. "Because. You. Fucking. _Did_!" he seethed through his clenched teeth harshly. I stood there, partly stunned. This wasn't me. This couldn't be true. No. He couldn't be here anymore. He couldn't be yelling at _me_ when _he_ was the one mind-fucking me.

"Just… get out," I whispered as his words echoed in my mind. They didn't fade like an echo would, though. They seemed to get louder with each repetition. He stood there, not moving. "Please?" I asked, letting my guard down.

"You're upset," he observed softly, taking a step toward me. His tone made my stomach clench.

"I… told you to get out. I even said please. Don't make me do something I might regret," I said with as much civility as I could conjure up. A smile flitted across his face, but quickly faded into a serious frown. He held his hands up in surrender and backed out of the room slowly. I sat down on the bed as soon as he was gone. My mind was racing with what had just happened.

There was just too much information rushing through my head. It was as if, suddenly, everything that was happening was finally catching up to me. I felt my mind cloud with dizziness and my head felt as if it were spinning in slow motion. It only took a minute for my stomach and throat to respond to the spinning and I felt about ready to throw up.

Standing up only proved to worsen the dizziness. I had never felt anything like this before. I was never dizzy to this extent in my life; from what I could… _remember._ Furniture was getting in my way to the bathroom and walking was becoming a difficult task. I shoved past everything, kicking and pushing things out of my way, trying to move as fast as I could. The bathroom was only a short distance away, but it felt like miles away. I finally just stopped walking and closed my eyes, letting myself rapidly breathe in and out. My hands clutched for anything nearby to hold on to and balance myself. They came in contact with a body and my irritation flared. I told him to make like my dad and leave. Charlie was actually my step father. My real father was gone before I was even three.

I couldn't ask him to stop helping me, though, because I seriously needed to make it to the bathroom. He could've talked, but I couldn't hear. There was a ringing in my ears that made me cringe. His arm circled around my torso and he pulled me toward the bathroom as I stumbled and struggled to keep up with him. It was a much shorter distance than I had initially thought. Maybe it just seemed shorter because of his help.

My head immediately went to the toilet and out of my mouth came the contents of my stomach. Yum. Edward's hands swiftly held my hair back from my face, not touching me in any way. It was the least I could do. My on and off purging continued for the next ten minutes. When I felt that my stomach was finally emptied of any digestible food, I kept my head in the toilet for a few minutes to breathe.

"I told you to make like my dad and leave," I remarked, recalling my previous thoughts about him coming back. My voice echoed in the small containment of the toilet. He chuckled lightly and sighed.

"I heard things breaking and falling. I wasn't sure… you could've been… I don't know," he stuttered out. "There's a lot that I don't know anymore…," he murmured to himself. I nodded my head, lifting it from the toilet and leaning it against the wall behind me. Edward was sitting against the wall next to the toilet across from me.

I snorted and closed my eyes, tilting my head toward the ceiling. "Oh, yeah, _you_ don't know things anymore. Come talk to me when you've got amnesia and can't remember the last five years of your life. Then we can have a slumber party and play dress up," I retorted sarcastically. He laughed loudly and I heard shuffling. When I opened my eyes, he was standing in front of me with his arm outstretched toward me.

"You're tired," he told me. Yeah, _he _told _me_. I shook my head vehemently and narrowed my eyes before getting myself up, leaving his hand empty. He shook his hand out in embarrassment.

"No, I'm not. I'm not tired," I insisted. He chuckled softly as he led us into the master bedroom. I stumbled a few times, still a little dizzy, but managing. At least nothing was spinning– particularly my head.

"Oh, you're tired," he said. I stood in the middle of the room and crossed my arms, facing him. He was standing at the door.

"How do you–"

"I don't. Never mind," he cut me off with a smirk that quickly turned into a smile. I looked at him like he had three ears. Why would he be looking so smug? This kid was still mind-fucking me.

"I'm going to go get… your_ lover_," Edward seemingly seethed. "I mean Mike, of course," he added mockingly. He turned around to walk out of the room. I could hear him mumble something as he walked out. The only word I caught was "douche" before he was out of hearing distance.

With that I was alone. I uncrossed my arms and walked over to the edge of the bed to sit down and wait for Mike. There were echoing pleasantries being exchanged as the _party_ came to an end and everyone was leaving. Good riddance. Please come back when I remember you. Except for you, Jessica. You can stop right before the "Welcome" mat. You are not welcome.

I hadn't realized how tired I had been until I sat down. My head hit the pillow with a soft thud the moment that I thought of sleep. My mind was running wild. All of the thoughts of believing Edward and the party and Mike were pushed back. My pride wouldn't let me believe that I would actually cheat on my husband and I didn't give two shits about Jessica Stanley. That's right. I only gave one shit.

I laughed to myself as I turned the pillow over to the colder side.

Mike might have been annoying at times, but he was still my husband. I _must've_ loved him. There was no other explanation as to why I would marry him. And even if I _didn't_ love him, I just wasn't _that_ type of girl. I wasn't the girl would cheated on her husband. If I didn't love him, I'd divorce him point blank. I was sure that I'd made that clear.

"I'm sick of sleeping," I mumbled before sliding to the _right_ side of the bed and I falling into a restless sleep filled with choppy and pointless dreams.

"Bella?" I heard Mike's voice pull me out of unconsciousness. "Bella? Wake up." I swung my arm over my eyes and sighed. Keep fucking waking me up, Mike, and let's see if you'll be able to use your penis ever again.

"Who's dying?" I groaned. Mike weighed the bed down slightly as he sat down.

"Why would anyone be dying, Bella?" he asked, oblivious.

"Why would you be waking me up, Mike?" I asked, taking my arm off my face and sitting up to face him. He looked shocked to say the least. "Just… what's up?" I asked in a happier tone. What did I say earlier about him being a puppy? You've got to be nice to dogs so they can wag their tail. Wag your fucking tail, Mike, so I can go back to sleep. He smiled and began to speak.

"Well, I'm working at home today," he told me. That's it? Seriously? _Seriously_?

"Um, so?" I questioned, too tired to care.

"Uh, so I wanted to have breakfast with you before Edward comes over and we have to work." I almost bashed my head into the headboard. Edward was coming here? You have got to be kidding me. And he woke me up to have breakfast? "I think it will be beneficial to build a nice foundation for our relationship until you regain your memory." He explained cheerfully as if it were the greatest idea since sliced bread. Not that I could even _eat_ bread anymore. I couldn't even enjoy the "greatest idea" or whatever they call it. "I'll see you at the kitchen bar," he said, getting up and walking towards the door.

"If," I called out to him. He turned back around to look at me.

"Hmm?"

"I said if. _If_ I regain my memory. _If_ I remember the last five years," I explained. He looked at me with an odd expression on his face. I just stared at him. It was the truth.

"If…," he mumbled before finally walking out. I waited a minute or so before swinging my legs off the bed and heading to the bathroom to take a nice, hot shower to clear my head.

Fifteen or twenty minutes later, my head was far from clear. The fact that Mr. I-love-you was going to be here after breakfast with Mike. Would he say anything? Would he act any differently? Please tell me that he won't start a fight. Oh, geez. If a fight broke out, no matter who it broke out between, I would side with Anthony. If anything, Anthony knew more about us than we knew about ourselves. I wonder if he ever let me call him Jeeves…. I wish.

I faced my closet and tried to prepare myself for its contents. But I chickened out and turned to my dresser where there would be less to deal with. I pulled out a simple pair of dark, tight fitted jeans and a blue polo. I looked about fifteen years old. So, I changed the blue polo to a dark blue tank top. It was only breakfast after all.

Before walking out to meet Mike, I looked back at the room and felt a weird sensation in my stomach, like the room was tainted or something. This room was where Mike and I sleep. Edward had to go and have that conversation with me here? It was hard enough to sleep in the same room with Mike. Now, I had to think about Edward every fucking time I came in here.

I turned and walked towards the kitchen. "Mike?" There was the amazing smell of bacon permeating through the house. I smiled to myself at the familiar smell. Mike was already sitting at the kitchen bar. He had a newspaper in front of him and a mug of coffee. "Hey," I said as I sat down on the seat to the right of him.

"Oh, hey. Good morning," he said, putting his mug down and kissing my forehead. I tried not to cringe. I tried so hard. I don't _think_ it showed, but you never know. A good morning would have been nice to wake up to, but no. God forbid that Mike ever be considerate like that.

"Ditto," I muttered. "What's for breakfast?"

"Oh, right. I waited for you," he said proudly. Gee… thanks. "Anthony? Can you bring out breakfast, please?" he called out. I rubbed my hands together to create friction and warm them up while we waited. In what seemed like no time at all, Anthony was out and placing a mug of hot coffee on the table along with a glass of orange juice. I lifted the orange juice to my lips to take a sip.

"Thanks Anthony," I said. He nodded and put a plate of food in front of me. Food, if that's what you could call it. There_ was_ bacon. There was a single slice of what looked like soy bacon, a strawberry, and about a two inch serving of scrambled eggs. Anthony proceeded to put a tall glass of green diarrhea… well, what _looked_ like green diarrhea. I lifted it to my nose and cringed. It smelled like diarrhea, too. Mm… breakfast.

I looked up to Anthony and he just shrugged. I sighed. "So, Mike," I started. "what's all of this?" I asked, pretending to seem open to actually eating it. He didn't look up from his newspaper.

"Oh, that's breakfast," he started. No shit Sherlock. "Its soy bacon, fruit, scrambled eggs, and your morning shake." I looked at the shake with disgust, not even _wanting_ to know what it consisted of. "Oh, that reminds me!" Mike said as he reached into the briefcase next to him. He pulled out a booklet with the words "Your Life" typed across the front of it. Oh, no. "I have taken the liberty of typing out this little hand booklet for you. It describes everything that you do daily from breakfast to sex," he explained. My face turned bright red, not realizing that he would actually expect me to… do that with him. He had just put it out there point blank. I tried to hide my terrified expression. He offered the booklet to me and I took it quickly, placing it face down on the counter.

"Aren't you going to read it?" he asked.

"Uh, maybe later," I replied, actually intending on reading… _most_ of it. The doorbell rang and my face heated even further. As Mike got up to get it, I gave my plate and green shit to Anthony quickly. He seemed to understand exactly what I wanted. He quickly took my "breakfast" into the back room. I sighed in relief.

"Good morning, Bella," I heard a voice say behind me. I swiveled my chair around to reveal Edward standing before me, looking like sex in Calvin Klein. I darted my eyes to the booklet on the counter.

"Morning," I responded politely, taking the booklet in my hands and playing with it.

"What's this?" Edward questioned, taking the book, as Mike came into the room.

"Oh, that's just this little booklet I made for Bella. It explains what she usually does everyday,"

Mike explained. Edward chuckled lightly. "Usually," he muttered to himself. I pretended not to hear him.

"It's to help her out until she gets her memory back," Mike further explained.

"If," I repeated as I did earlier. "_If_ I get my memory back, Mike."

"When," Edward corrected with a concerned look on his face. "_When_ you get your memory back. You can't think like that, Is– Bella. It can't be any good for you," he pressed on. I looked down at the booklet in his hands and shrugged.

"Whatever," I simply responded. "Thank you for the booklet, by the way, Mike. It was very thoughtful of you. I appreciate it," I told him gratefully, getting up from my stool and heading toward him.

"It's no problem at all, Bella. I'm here to help, you know that. I'm your husband and I love you," he said as he sat down on the long couch that lay across from the incredibly long flat screen. I looked down at my hands and sighed. He _was _my husband.

"I love you, too," I replied as I swiftly took a seat next to him and leaned my head on his shoulder. The eyes that I sought out as I did this were conveying an emotion that made me wince. Pain. I looked at Edward with confusion.

"Are you all right?" I asked, concerned. His face quickly smoothed out.

"Uh, yeah. I'm fine, thanks," he responded. "Just… bit my tongue…," he explained. I nodded and looked down at my hands while Mike changed the subject to something about sales rates or whatever.

"Hey, Mike?" I interrupted, suddenly thinking about getting something to eat. "Oh, sorry to interrupt, but I was wondering if I could… go out for a drive?" Mike looked at me strangely and cautiously. Edward smirked weirdly and crossed his arms.

"You remember how to drive, right?" Mike asked with a laugh. I pretended to laugh along and nodded my head a few times.

"Of course," I answered, getting up from the couch quickly and running into the master bedroom to grab the credit card that was still in the bag from the hospital. I slipped it into the back pocket of my jeans and ran back to the living room, standing before Mike.

"Okay. Your keys are on the hook by the door. They're the ones with the pink key card on the chain. Oh, and, Bella, please use the GPS if you get lost," he told me firmly. I mumbled a low "okay" and began towards the door. "Our address is on that key card!" he shouted after me.

I turned around quickly with a short smile. "Okay, okay. I will be back soon, I promise. If I'm not back within the hour… call the cops or something," I joked before grabbing the pink keys off the hook and running out the door.

The elevator ride couldn't take long enough. My foot tapped lightly with the soft music playing in the background. The doors finally opened to reveal a parking garage. Okay, problem. What kind of car did I have? Which car was mine? I went around in a circle, hitting the panic button a few times. Finally, a car lit up and shrieked in panic and I ran to it. Oh, my. Fucking gee car. I'd have to look through the booklet for this baby. Man, good choice, Bella.

I quickly buckled myself into the driver's side and stopped short. Wait a second… broken left arm. Could I drive with a broken left arm? After about a minute debate within my head, I decided that I could. Jake had taught me to drive, literally, with my elbows when I had first gotten my license. This couldn't be much harder than that. I stuck the key into the slot and started the car before turning off the radio. My stomach was rumbling the whole time.

I began to adjust the mirrors when a small, white Styrofoam box in the back seat caught my attention. I let go of the rearview mirror, turned around, picked up the box. Written in black Sharpie on the top of the box was

"_To: Bella, From: Edward."_

I opened to box to reveal… breakfast. It was _toast_ and actual bacon and Moon Over Miami with home fries. There was a note.

_I thought that you might be… hungry. The thermos in your cup holder is filled with black coffee._

_Enjoy._

And everything was still warm.

***A/N: I think this may be longer than the last chapter. Maybe not. Anyway, I love this chapter. News- Go to: **

**http://www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=6879&sid=c654ec1c8d2a3bd9df9eff07761a4ecd**

**to talk about Who Am I? I'll be there and I'd love to hear what you have to say. Previews will be there as well. Of course, you can still review for a preview, my loves. :) **

**-Erin (erinjeni, reed4funxeb) **

**P.S. I saw The Time Traveler's Wife today and cried like a baby. Mm, that Eric Bana is hot. :)**


	8. Rugs

***A/N: Jeni is going to hate me…**

Who Am I?

Chapter 8: Rugs

BPOV

Mike was still on the couch when I came back into the apartment. Edward was sitting across from him gesturing with his hands as if he were playing the piano. They were working and Mike looked very intent on what Edward was saying. I tried to slip by them and let them be because I didn't want to interrupt them… _that _and I didn't know what to think of Edward anymore. I had no idea what the fuck was going on in the _first place_ and then he had to go and tell me all of that bullshit, confusing me way further than I ever intended or needed to be.

"Bella!" Mike called to me from the living room. Damn. I had been creeping along the wall, trying to remain unseen. "You're back so soon?" I walked toward him until I was in front of him, letting my back face Edward. Don't look at him. Don't look at him. Don't look at him.

"Um, yeah, I'm not used to the car or anything. I'll read the, uh, manual and get back on the saddle…," I lied pretty badly. Back on the saddle? I'm such a bad liar. Mike smiled and looked behind me over to Edward. I kept my stance and eyes toward Mike.

"Isn't my girl so responsible? I know that it's you, even though you're back in two thousand and four, I know it's you. You are so familiar to me," he mused. My brows furrowed and my head tilted when he finished talking and showing me off. I was familiar to him just then? I was lying through my teeth. "Are you okay?" he asked in response to my confused face.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I was just… um, you said familiar…," I mumbled incoherently. Edward coughed behind me and I ignored him, still keeping my back facing him. Mike nodded in oblivion.

"Well, yeah, Bella. It's going to start happening. You're going to get more and more familiar to me and to all of us – those of us who see you every day. Myself, Alice, Anthony, even Edward over there. You're going to start remembering yourself as well, so get used to the familiar." He smiled up at me and crossed his arms over his chest, seemingly satisfied with the little speech he gave me. I shook my head.

"I _might_ remember. It's not certain that I will, Mike. You have to keep that in mind if it happens. I might _not_ be familiar with my new self," I corrected him. "Everyone around me may start to see that familiar, but I may never be able to. Just… don't get your hopes up _too_ high up…"

"Didn't we just go over this a few moments ago, Isabella?" Edward suddenly cut in angrily. I reflexively almost told him to call me 'Bella', but then turned my back on Mike and faced Edward. He looked confused and angry at the same time... but mostly angry. My eyes widened in surprise and I took a step back, keeping my mouth shut. Edward's eyes darted to Mike behind me and then back to me. His expression softened and his almost rigid shoulders relaxed. His eyes, then, only expressed sadness. "Um, you really shouldn't think like that…," he began again nervously. "I mean, Mike is only trying to make you feel better. And if you keep thinking like that, it may never _actually_ happen…. So… stop." My face was frozen in a blank state, just staring at him. I had no idea how to respond to that at all. Luckily, Mike did.

"See, Bella? I'm not the only one. You've got everyone behind you on this," he started, coming up from behind me and casually stretching his arm around my shoulders. "Let's just hope for the best. I'll still love you if you don't remember," he continued, sitting us both down on the couch. "We will all still love you." My eyes shot up to Edward instantly. He was already looking down at me, his eyes widened slightly as if to assess my reaction. I looked down at my fidgeting hands quickly and frowned.

"Um, okay," I mumbled, still looking down at my hands. It was quiet for a few minutes while the three of us got lost in our thoughts. I was, honestly, trying not to think. It just proved to confuse me further and give me a slight headache. For now, it was easier just to ignore Edward and his art in bullshitery. I already had enough in my hands with Mike tailing me.

"Let's change the subject," Mike suggested lightly, brushing a lock of my hair behind my ear. I kept my face blank because I could feel Edward watching me. "I want to bring you to work with me today. Do you want to go to work with me? Edward will also be there, of course." I quickly glanced at Edward, noticing his tormented expression. Whether he was hoping I would accede or oppose, I wasn't sure. But I wasn't going to base my decision on anything having to do with him. He'd be there? Big whoop. I could stick it out like the _adult_ that I was… the adult that I had known to be since, like, a few days ago.

"Okay," I answered cheerfully. Well, as cheerfully as I could. "I'd love to go. It'll give me a chance to… get to know you better," I further responded. Mike grinned and hugged my shoulders tighter to his body. I suppressed a shudder.

"Are you sure, Bella? You aren't tired? Because I'd understand if you were," he questioned. I shook my head and smiled lightly. If only he knew how sick of sleeping I was. I really just wanted to get active and back to the way things were. Well, I had to _remember_ the way things were first. Association, association.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm totally fine to go," I told him, getting up from the couch. I heard his arm hit the couch cushion with a soft 'thud' and my lips curved into an involuntary smile. Edward coughed at my smile and I narrowed my eyes at him, squinting them in the process and shaking my head. I was giving him that 'you are so annoying' look that siblings would give to one another. His smirk grew in response and I turned my back on him yet again.

"Let me just change my shirt and we can go?" I asked, smiling at _Mike_ now.

"Yeah, go ahead. We can go when you're ready," he answered, staring up at me as if in admiration. "There's no rush." I nodded and turned toward the master bedroom.

A cell phone rang as I was on my way and I heard Edward politely excuse himself from Mike. His ring tone wasn't unfamiliar to me at all. I mean, it _was_ unfamiliar to me, but the band wasn't. I could tell almost right away that it was Coldplay. The piano intro screamed Coldplay. I had gotten all of their CDs before the jump. "Yellow" had been my favorite song for the longest time. I still love it. But this song was unfamiliar to me. Chris Martin started singing briefly before Edward picked up his phone. "_Just because I'm losing doesn't mean I'm lost. Doesn't mean I'll stop. Doesn't mean I will cross._" The song stopped as Edward picked up his phone and I quickly shut the door to the bedroom and ran to my dresser. Sweatshirts were in the bottom draw as far as I knew from rummaging through here this morning. I grabbed a dark purple one to it over my purple tank top. The zipper was easier to maneuver over my cast.

For some reason, unknown to me, I decided to tip toe out of the room. I guess that I felt like I was bounding through the house like a maniac. Whatever the reason, I was able to hear Edward's conversation from behind the master bedroom door.

"You're not answering my question, Alice. Where and why do you have it?" he spoke angrily into the phone. What did his sister do to deserve such a malicious tone? There was a short pause. "Okay, ignore my question. And _no_, I certainly did _not_! You think that I would tell her _that_ after the other night? Yeah, okay." There was longer pause which I assumed to be Alice talking. "No…," Edward spoke softly. "Not surgically, not like that…," he spoke even softer, letting his sentence meander. A short pause ensued. "Yes. Exactly," he replied curtly. Alice spoke again and I let the door open a crack more to chance a glance at Edward. His head was down and he was pinching the bridge of his nose. "There were quite a few days from when it happened to when she went home…," he spoke softly still. There was another pause, but I felt like this one wasn't because of listening purposes. "Alice, I can't talk about this right now. Please. Just… talk to me later. Okay. Yes, game plan like we discussed. See you later," he finally finished.

I watched as Edward walked back into the living room. My mind was running rampant. They were obviously talking about me, right? I mean, it sounded like they were talking about me. But what exactly were they talking about if it had to do with me? And he said game plan. _Game plan_? Was I the prize to win or something? Who did he think he _was_? He made me so angry and confused, but then he looked sad and I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. I didn't know what I was feeling sorry _for_, but I did anyway. My emotions seemed to be everywhere lately and I had no idea what to do with them. Curbing them seemed to be the best choice– if I even _could_.

When I returned to the living room, it looked as if nobody had moved. Mike was still sitting on the couch and Edward was still standing before him. I cleared my throat subtly to let them know that I was here and ready to leave. Both of them turned too look at me. Mike was smiling and content as he watched me come to a stop before both of them. Edward kept his solemn gaze on the zipper line of my sweatshirt. He didn't look up at my face or smile in the least.

"You ready, Hun?" Mike asked, standing up from the couch and taking my right hand. My eyes winced slightly with the mention of being Mike's 'Hun' or 'Honey' or _anything_. When I opened my eyes again, Edward was staring at me with the same ominous gaze. I tilted my head in confusion, almost as if to ask him what was wrong. He shook his head and turned to head toward the door before us.

"Yeah…," I answered Mike absentmindedly. Edward's head was bowed as he stalked out the door.

"Okay, we're off!" he said excitedly. "Anthony, we'll be having dinner out tonight!" he shouted before shutting the apartment door and leading me to the elevator, still latched onto my hand.

The ride was silent. We stepped out into the parking lot where Mike and I separated from Edward to get to our own car. Mike led us to my car and opened the passenger side door for me before climbing into the car from his side.

"Hey, did you want to get another protein shake from the health food store? You hardly ate earlier," he suggested as he adjusted the mirrors. I almost snorted aloud, thanking God that I had thrown all of Edward's breakfast leftovers in the trash. Mike looked over to me, expecting an answer.

"Um, I'm okay, Mike. Thanks for the, um, offer," I stuttered out. "I don't have much of an appetite these… days." He shrugged and started the engine before proceeding to back out of his parking space effortlessly.

"Make sure you watch how I work the car, Bells. You're going to want to drive yourself places sooner or later," he explained as sunlight filled the car, making me squint my sensitive eyes.

"Okay," I answered automatically, all the while letting my eyes wander the streets of Seattle. On the surface, everything looked similar. But, at the same time, everything looked different. Although I never really did go to Seattle from Forks, there was always the occasional visit now and then. The structure and the parks and the buildings _looked_ the same. But some were different buildings and new buildings and new trees and new cars and just so much more new compared to the old.

Before I knew it, Mike was informing me of our arrival and I was being helped out of the car. I tilted my head up to the building we were heading into. It was another apartment building.

"Now, I know this doesn't look like a work place, but this is where I work on sales with some other associates. Sometimes Edward will design here. Most of our meetings are held here as well. It's an easy going place and nice to look at for the most part," Mike explained as he pulled me alongside him and into the elevator. He pushed the Penthouse button and leaned against the back wall of the elevator. "You're going to love it. I mean, you loved it before, so I don't see why you would hate it now. Your mother loved it too. And Josh, as well," he rambled. My eyes furrowed in confusion. Josh?

"Who's Josh?" I asked him.

"Josh? You know, your best friend…?" he tried to explain. I looked at him as if he had three heads.

"Um… Jake?" I asked him incredulously. He nodded profusely and started to ramble again.

"Jake. Right, Jake. I know I sound like an idiot. I'm just a little jittery. I want to see your reaction to work. I've also got something important to do while I'm there and I'll have to leave you for a little while. It's gotten me a little nervous. Don't worry, I'll figure out something," he rambled. I just nodded my head a few times and kept my face down.

"Its… fine," I told him, keeping my head down to look at my hands.

"Well, yeah, okay," he mumbled just as a ding resounded. The elevator doors opened to reveal an amazing apartment.

It was modern like our apartment was, but it was different. The color pallid and paintings and art were so much more tasteful compared to what was in our apartment. It was seriously beautiful. There were couches around a moderately sized television and there seemed to be just a wonderful collection of art all over and everywhere from what I could see. There were greens and blues and reds and pinks and yellows and oranges and just so many deliberately chosen works of art that made the room look chaotic in the neatest way. It kind of reminded me of Edward's hair, to be honest.

"Wow," I breathed out, still taking in the apartment in all of its glory. I wished this was my apartment. That would be amazing.

"Yeah," Mike breathed next to me, "that's what my first reaction was, too. Your first reaction was much the same." I just nodded. "You wanted to trade our apartment for this one. You went on for weeks about how it was closer to your work and a lot more pleasant to look at. So, I started buying more paintings for our apartment and you seemed to settle down." My hands began to fidget. I didn't really like those paintings… at all. They didn't speak like the art in this room did. "Edward spent a hell of a long time decorating this place," he added. I froze up with surprise.

"Edward did all of this?" I asked incredulously. Mike nodded.

"He and his mother, who is an interior designer, worked on it together. She later said that he was so intent on _his_ idea of the design that she couldn't solely decide on any one decision– not even on designing the bathroom. Sounds just about like him. He designs the instruments. I guess he wanted something that would reflect his work somehow," he mused. So, I didn't like Mike's rendition on our apartment and I loved Edward's reflection of his work. This meant nothing at all. He had good taste. He could be gay with taste like this.

As if on cue, Edward walked in from a room in the back of the apartment. "Well, speak of the devil," Mike said as Edward came to a stop about two away from us. He didn't look happy. He didn't look sad or angry either. His face was kind of just blank and void of emotion.

"… And the devil shall appear," I completed Mike's sentence. Mike looked over at me proudly and smirked. I just stared at Edward.

"Well, anyway Edward, I have to go into the office and speak with Tanya and Kate about something. Would you be kind enough to show Bella around?" Mike asked. "Just give her the gist of the area. You know what I mean," he finished, walking off to a room by the front desk. I looked over to Edward to find he was looking at me already.

"Okay…," I started awkwardly. "Um, let's look around." He nodded and put his hand lightly on my lower back to guide me. My shoulders jumped at the shock that traveled from his hand to my body. What kind of rug was he walking on to produce that kind of friction?! It must've been thick as fuck because that was serious friction passing through me. I looked over at him incredulously. He was smiling, but not smugly. It was just as if he hadn't felt the shock. He looked over at me and his smile turned down, as did his head.

"Oh, right. You… um… sorry….," he stuttered out, taking his hand off my back. He led me to the room in the back that he came out from. The walls were covered with papers that were covered with drawings of various instruments. There was a white board on the wall behind his paper covered desk. The whiteboard was surprisingly clean as a whistle.

"This is my office where I work. It's where all the designing gets done…," Edward informed me as he watched me from the door. I walked over to the baby grand piano in the corner of the room. It was black and sleek and void of any smudges. I played middle C and turned to him.

"You play?" I asked stupidly. Of course he played. Why else would he have this piano in his office? Plus, he probably had to have an idea of how instruments worked to design them. "Doesn't it get loud?"

He nodded and smiled lightly. "Oh, these walls are sound proof," he explained. "And… You play, too," he mused. I gaped at him with disbelief.

"I do not!" I countered. "Do I?" He grinned and crossed his arms over his chest.

"You play almost as well as I do," he informed me. "Almost," he further emphasized. I grinned and shook my head with a wistful sigh.

"Too bad I can't remember…," I said, backing away from the piano.

"Yeah…, too bad," Edward mumbled from the doorway. His grin dissolved into a serious frown. I watched as he winced and looked at me. A small smile surfaced.

I walked over his desk and picked up a pot that contained a single sunflower.

"You like sunflowers?" I asked cautiously, inspecting the plant. It seemed that there was a sunflower everywhere I turned these days.

"Oh, um, you gave me that," he answered. "You gave one to everyone for our last successful design on the market," he explained as I put the plant back down on the desk.

"Which was…?" I asked, looking over all of the drawings on the walls.

"Hmm?" Edward asked absentmindedly. I gestured to the walls.

"Which design was your last successful one?" I repeated, looking from wall to wall.

"Oh," he said, walking over to the wall opposite his desk. "This one right here." I walked over to where he was and looked to the drawing he was pointing at. It was a mini piano. I mean, it was like a regular grand piano, but it was tiny. "We designed this one specifically for little children. It was actually a joke between my friend and me, but it evolved into this– and it was quite successful. It works exactly like a grand piano would. Everything sounds the same and the pedals work the same," he explained animatedly. "The only difference is that the inner workings of this piano must be opened with a key. We don't want little kids getting in there and hurting themselves. Not only could we be sued, but I would feel eternally guilty if I knew that my design could hurt a child," he shuddered as he finished his explanation.

"That's a cute idea. It's pretty clever," I observed as I slowly began to walk down the wall and see other designs. Edward just nodded and ran his hand through his hair, mumbling a low "thanks" before following behind me.

The next design was of a guitar. A few minutes passed as I looked at the drawing and read the little arrowed explanations.

"You haven't said anything…," Edward whispered abruptly from behind me, "about… the other night…" I turned around on my heel to face him. He was closer than I expected him to be and I had no room to back away from the wall. His breath was fanning my face and it took all of my will power not to shudder.

"What do you expect me to say, Edward?" I whispered harshly, keeping my eyes on his. "Did you honestly not get the hint when I told you to get out?" I asked. "Or did you think that I had changed my mind in the past _day_?" His eyes searched mine as I continued. "Because if you did, you _really_ don't know me at all. And since you don't know me at all, then it would be kind of impossible for you to claim that we have ever done _anything_ together… ever," I finished, letting out a harsh breath. His face was suddenly contorted in anger. He let out a bitter laugh.

"I don't know you?" he asked angrily. "_I _don't know you?" he seethed through his teeth. "_You_ don't know you! You don't know you _at all_! So, how can _you_ tell _me_ that _I _don't know you?! That doesn't make _any_ sense!" he continued to seethe, getting on the verge of yelling. "You wanna see how much I _don't_ know you?" he asked before grabbing my face roughly with his hands. I didn't have any time to get away or respond to his angry rant. He pressed me up against the wall and looked into my panicked eyes. I didn't know what to do. I was frozen with a mixture of fear and surprise. His head swooped down quickly and his lips collided with mine urgently.

My first reaction was to respond to him, but at the same time, I was rejecting him. My lips began moving fluidly with his, but my right hand was pushing on his shoulders. It was only a half-assed attempt. The same shock as I had felt before on my back was back tenfold. My mind was clouded and I just wasn't thinking. There was nothing to think about. I just forgot about everything and everyone the moment his lips touched mine and it felt amazingly good to just _be_. But when his tongue found mine and we both moaned from the sensation, I shoved as hard as I could. He stumbled backward and all of my defenses went up.

"What _the fuck_ are you doing?!" I yelled at him, not caring how fucking harsh or loud I was being. He looked at me incredulously.

"You need a _definition_?" he retorted sarcastically. "You seemed to know very well what _we _were doing," he remarked smugly. "Actually, we've done something like this in this room before," he mused before pointing at the rug in the center of the room. Right over on that rug," he told me with a smirk. He leaned in closer to me. "You were on top," he whispered.

"First of all, I didn't initiate it!" I pointed out angrily. "You are ridiculous," I told him calmly, desperately trying not to imagine that scene. "Are you _seriously_ that pathetic and needy that you need to try and convince _amnesia patients_ that they love you?" I asked rhetorically. "You are so fucking sick."

"Oh, I'm the needy one?" he asked, taking a step toward me. "You weren't exactly pushing me away," he mused, taking another step toward me.

"I did push you away!" I yelled at him. "And I _don't_ need you. I have Mike. Why would I even consider you? I thought we went over this already," I explained, trying to get the truth through his thick head. He laughed scornfully.

"Oh, because you and Mike have even had any sexual relationship since I brought you home from the hospital," he assumed. He needed to understand that I would never cheat on my husband. I crossed right arm over my left forearm calmly and started bullshitting my way through his question.

"As a matter of fact, we have plenty of sex. _All the time_. After you left, we had a crazy sex brigade. So, it's a good thing you left... because of our... sex brigade," I defended wholly. Well, at least, I tried. Edward's face expressed pain for a few seconds and I smirked at a job well done.... Then, he smirked.

"Oh, so I assume that you know about Monte Blanc then?" he mused with a smirk on his face. Monte Blanc? Why do I ever lie? It only manages to get me into more trouble than I ever need in my life. I never seemed to learn…

"Of course," I lied curtly and turned my head away from him.

"And you've tried it?" he asked, looking incredulous.

"Dozens of times," I bullshitted easily. Edward's incredulous expression turned back into a smirk. Fucking jerk. What right did he have to question my sex life?

"Yeah?" he asked mockingly, putting his hands on either side of my head. I was backed up against the wall again and could feel his breath. "Hmm... you don't look very tired. I guess it wasn't any good," he breathed out. I had had enough of him. My blood boiled. My anger flared. He had no right to be saying any of these things. No right at all.

So, I slapped him.

His expression froze into one that I could decipher. He looked angry. He looked confused. He looked surprised. He looked hurt. Nothing was said as his gaze lifted to the wall above my head. He backed away from me and let his hands dangle at his sides. I felt extremely bad, but I wouldn't let him see that. I let my face express annoyance and anger and I crossed my arms over my chest. Edward finally looked back at me after minutes of silence. His eyes looked down to my sweatshirt again as it had before when we were leaving to come here.

"Mike's office is in the other room," he spoke calmly and professionally. I nodded and he moved to open the door, letting me pass through first. "To your right," he told me before walking down the hall and into the elevator. I took a deep breath before turning to my right and knocking on the door to Mike's office.

"Come in," he said from the other side and I pushed the door open with my left shoulder. Mike looked up from his papers and smiled at me.

"Oh, hey, Bella. How did you like your tour?" he asked cheerfully. Yeah, I got to see one room.

"It was great," I lied. "It is so beautiful here." Mike stood up and walked around his desk to hug me.

"I'm glad you like it. It's my second home," he responded excitedly, wrapping his arms around me. My eyebrows furrowed and I let go of Mike. He looked down at me with the same expression.

"What's wrong?" he asked with concern. I looked up to him and forced myself to smile.

"Um, nothing. I was just wondering…," I mumbled to him. Mike laughed and hugged me.

"What were you wondering, Bella?" he asked again, letting go of me and looking into my eyes.

"Um, I was just… can I, um, k-kiss, um, y-you?" I stammered out shakily. He laughed loudly and grinned widely.

"Of course you can! You don't have to ask me!" he said, shaking with laughter. He bent down and I let out lips touch, intending to end it there. Mike had different ideas. He took my face in his hands and continued to kiss me for a minute or two.

I could only think of one thing as Mike kissed me with so much emotion and passion unreciprocated from me.

He hadn't been walking on any think rugs recently.

***A/N: I haven't chosen a beta yet, so I just decided to put the chapter up anyway. So, you can still offer if you want. Jeni is supposed to help me choose. ANYWAY, I ****heart**** this chapter. I also ****heart**** you guys. :) I know that Jeni is going to hate me for this. Sorry, Jenifuurrrr. Talk to me later about it. :)**

**Anyway, the preview of the next chapter will be up on ****Twilighted**** soon. Of course you can always ****review**** for it, my lovely readers. :) **

**Much love,**

**Erin (****erinjeni****, ****reed4funxeb****)**

**P.S.**** Edward's ring tone is "Lost" by Coldplay.**


	9. Alice

Who Am I?

Chapter 8: Alice

BPOV

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

I am a foot tapper. It happens all the time. I used to unknowingly tap my right foot during tests all the time. The girls and boys in my class would constantly glare at me, but I never realized why until one of them, a girl, brought it up at the end of freshman year.

"_Stop tapping your goddamn foot, Bella Swan," she proclaimed loudly in the middle of a Spanish test. Everyone turned around and glanced between her and me, waiting, breath abated, to hear my response. Embarrassment colored my cheeks and neck. There was nothing I hated more than being embarrassed, and if I let this slide, I'd regret it forever._

"Make me_, Jessica… Uh-so-unimportant-I-forget-your-last-name," I retorted scathingly, yet still embarrassed in being called out on and forgetting her name. But I had nothing to worry about because everyone laughed at Jessica and she went back to her test. _

She came up to me after class and apologized. My indifference toward her was perceived as forgiveness and she followed me everywhere after that. That marked the beginning of my semi-popularity. Jake was in that class and he "loved" me from that day on. Its funny how these things happen.

So, there I was, tapping my foot away in the waiting area of Mike's beautifully decorated office. He had been in there already for an hour and a half while I was out here, tapping Morse Code to the floor below. After I had kissed him for the first time ever since the accident, he had offered for me to spend some more time with Edward, but I obviously wasn't going to be doing any of _that_. So, I ended up on the couch after his secretary, I think her name was Lauren, pushed me so forcefully out of the room. She reminded me of Jessica.

I cannot believe that I slapped him. What the hell was I thinking? The scene came vividly to my memory in slow motion because my mind is masochistic and likes to put me through as much pain as possible, apparently.

The look on his face… I could cry right now thinking about it. And the tone of his voice after… Why does this hurt me so much? I'm supposed to hate this guy. I can't even feel indifference toward him like I did with Jessica that fateful day after Spanish class. What would I do when I saw him again? What would I say to that face I slapped so much pain into?

As if on cue, Edward came striding through the elevator doors. I looked down automatically, ashamed of what I had done. I felt the burning in my eyelids and started to blink rapidly. I could see and hear his footsteps walk past me. I thought I was in the clear, but his legs ceased movement in my peripheral vision. They stalled for a moment before turning toward me and walking. I kept my head resolutely down and drew courage to keep my tears back. Damn it, I cried at everything.

He sat down right next to me in the dark blue, suede love seat. My head was still down and I could see his hand hesitantly move toward my knee. It stopped for two seconds before, finally, reaching out and being set atop my leg.

"Isabella?" he said softly, coaxing an answer out of my unwilling lips. This was the most sensitive I'd ever seen Edward. In my mind, he had always been this man who was playing a game with my head. To all of my knowledge he still was! He went unanswered by myself, and began again. "I know that I deserved that slap. I know that I deserve… your silence," he acknowledged, his voice becoming softer with each word. "But I want you to know that I am so… sorry. I know that you don't know me and you don't know anything. I'm just so… frustrated," his voice was becoming a bit louder, but also shakier. "I just wanted you to know that I don't blame you for smacking me. I really needed a wake up call." He took his hand off my leg and sat next to me silently. I wasn't sure if he was waiting for an answer or not, but I kept my mouth shut.

After what seemed like an ice age of silence, he got up from his seat beside me and began to walk away. Just then, I realized that I didn't want him to walk away, but I didn't know what to say. I still _hated _him for playing this game with me. I had just, two hours ago, slapped him for his righteous and pretentious demeanor. But he was so… delicate with me just then, that I could almost put that slap behind me. The question still lingered, though, whether or not he was just some prick of a guy who wanted to get with his boss's wife. I couldn't decide, but I had to say something.

"Edward?" I whispered, tentatively, before he rounded the corner. He froze where he was and spun around to face me directly. There was obvious fear in his eyes, and that scared me into silence. Why was he so afraid to hear me? Did he think that I'd yell at him? "I just…. You're-"

"Bella, let's get out of here already!" Mike exclaimed, slamming the door to his office shut. He said that like _I _was the reason we were leaving so late. His coat jacket was slung over his shoulder nonchalantly and his grin seemed weird. I glanced back to where Edward stood, just ten seconds ago, but he was gone. I could've sworn I had seen a tumbleweed floating around somewhere, he was gone so fast. That, to me, was so freaking sketchy that everything he had just confessed seemed lacking and false. So, I got up and walked the hell out of there with Mike.

-XxXxXxXx-

The ride home with Mike was nothing extraordinary. He didn't apologize for making me wait for two hours. Although, in his defense, he thought that my time was being spent around the office with Edward. Still, he hadn't checked on me once, which I found odd. I mean, its not like I was recently hospitalized from a car accident and lost my recent memory or anything. No, nothing like that had happened at all.

We got home and parted ways. He ran to his office and I made my way to the den and thought… a lot, and mostly about Edward. I was his _game plan_. He was playing with my head. There was no way that he wasn't. I had never been the girl who cheated on her husband. I was always the girl who told her friends about their cheating boyfriends, regardless of the guy.

And what the hell was going on with Alice? Did she know something about this? Was she playing this game with Edward? Do they think this will be funny when its all over? I hate her just thinking that she could be in on this. He was on the phone with her the other night. I heard her name loud and clear. She knew something. She _definitely _knew something, and I wasted no time in calling her to "hang out" at that moment. Not twenty minutes later, Alice was sitting across from me in my den, talking about her new litter of kittens.

"I had no idea she was even pregnant until about an hour before she gave birth!" Alice explained. "How can you even tell if your cat is pregnant if she's so huge to begin with? I don't know, but now I have eight newborn kittens in my closet. How crazy is that?" She asked, taking her bag and rummaging through it. "Here, look, that's all of them with Anita, my assistant," she explained, pushing her iPhone in my hands. "I don't know what I'll name all of them, but I've done a few. This one," she pointed to a white, pinkish colored one in the mix of the litter, "is going to be named Isabella because she was the first to come out and you're always my number one." I smiled wholeheartedly and. My doubts of her intentions with me lessened considerably.

"Aw, that means a lot to me. A real live cat named after me…," I expressed, jokingly wiping a tear from my cheek. Alice snatched the iPhone out of my hand. "No, no, give it back! I'm sorry, I really want a cat named after me!" I begged. She gave it back with a smirk on her face.

"That's what I thought. Anyway, this one, you'll get a laugh out of this, over here," she pointed to a white one with black patches, furthest from the rest of the litter, "I'm naming… Edward," she said before breaking into hysterics. I laughed a bit, but didn't really get the joke there. Alice realized this and slowly dropped her laughter to silence, wiping laughing tears from her eyes. "Sorry, I just thought it was so funny," she began. "Edward is always out of the loop with things. Its something we make fun of frequently," she explained. An awkward silence pursued. I took this as the perfect opportunity to ask her about Edward.

"So, Alice," I began, "can I ask you something about… Edward?" I asked, apprehensively. She nodded slowly, her eyes seemingly distracted. "He _is _your brother after all. Anyway, do I hang out with Edward a lot? I mean, is he a good friend of mine? You say that we tease him over things a lot and that we have jokes with him. I was just wondering…," I asked, letting my thought wither down to silence. I was embarrassed to ask about him after what had happened today. Alice crossed her arms and smiled widely before answering.

"Of course you guys are friends!" She enthused. "I mean, it only makes sense because he's my brother, right?" She seemed to be genuinely asking me that. But I wasn't sure, so I just let her continue. "Alice and Bella are friends. Edward and Bella are friends. We're all friends," she continued almost cryptically. I looked at her strangely and pushed her for more information, trying to be very careful in my wording.

'Good, we're all friends…," I repeated for her benefit. "What about… I mean, how about… Hmm," I stuttered, trying to think of a way to ask her. Alice kept her arms crossed and averted my gaze. But she stared directly at me when she thought I couldn't see her through my peripherals. "Have I ever been in any sort of relationship with Edward beyond friendship?" I asked finally. Alice thought for a moment, but answered smoothly.

"Yes," she answered simply. My eyes widened and my brows went up. I wasn't expecting such a blunt answer. Her arms opened in a shrug, like her answer should be obvious to me. "Of course you two have a relationship past friendship. He is almost like family to you, silly." She explained. My surprise vanished a little. I began to think that maybe she had no knowledge of this affair, or that it had never really happened. But she crossed her arms again and looked away, and I knew something was going on. I decided to go on asking my questions bluntly because there was no way in getting a resolute answer out of her without just telling her what was on my mind.

"Am I, or have I ever been, having an affair with Edward?" I asked, attempting to burn her retinas with mine. I would _not _let her look away. I needed an answer. Her face blanked for a few seconds, but she regained composure. I waited and waited, but she just looked at me. _Come on, Alice, what is going on in that head of yours?_

"Alice!" I yelled. She shook her head out of a stupor and looked around the room. I looked at her expectantly. "Can I have a freaking answer?" She looked confused and laughed awkwardly.

"Uh, sorry, what was the ques-" She was interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone. "Ah! I have to take this. I was supposed to pick my mom up from the airport like ten minutes ago!" She explained quickly, standing up to leave the room. "I'm sorry, we'll talk later, Bella," she proposed before saying a quick goodbye and walking out of the room.

"Wait, Alice!" I yelled out, knowing she'd ignore me anyway. "Damn it! What the fuck is going on here?" I yelled, pacing angrily around the room. An angry hurrican was whirling around in my head, blocking all sense of rationality. I pushed over the seat at my desk and swiped the coffee table clean. "Who the fuck are all you _people_?" I yelled before pounding my right hand into the wall, creating a hole the size of my fist there. "That's fucking great. That's just what I need. Good. GOOD," I rambled, stomping my feet on the ground, essentially having a temper tantrum. Mike came running into the room, panicking all over.

"What the hell is going on?" He asked, getting a look at my mess. "What did you do to the wall, Bella?" He asked angrily. I stared at him blankly.

"I punched it?" I answered with a small voice like that of a student being yelled at by her teacher. He got angrier with my answer.

"Are you asking me if you punched it or are you telling me, Bella?" He retorted angrily. My blood boiled at his arrogance.

"I punched the wall! What does it fucking look like, Mike?" I yelled, making him step back from surprise. I didn't even wait for an answer as I stormed past him out of the room and out of his apartment.

**A/N: So, its been almost two years? Yeah… There's really no excuse here. I can't even give an excuse that could relieve me of any anger or disappointment you all have. Anyway, I've been taking a creative writing course at school and decided to start writing more at home. This is what came out of it… I don't even expect any of you to remember this story… But here it is.**

**-E**


	10. Tea Bags

Who Am I?

Chapter 10: Holes

BPOV

Pain began to travel over my knuckles, replacing my earlier adrenaline, as I paced back and forth in the parking garage. It moved like liquid, seeping into the crevices of my bones and nerves. I couldn't stay in that place. I had to get out, but I didn't know where. I didn't know where Alice lived. I didn't know where anyone lived. So, the parking garage it was. I cradled my fist in my palm, effectively realizing my stupid mistake in punching the wall. What was I thinking? My left arm was in a sling and I could hardly open my right hand.

But I'd been just so… mad. I'd pretty much been mad since I got back from the hospital. If I didn't take care of that temper soon, there may be no limbs left for me to injure.

Shit, my hand hurt. I mean, it wasn't something I couldn't handle. I'd been introduced to far worse pain. But I didn't know what to do about this. I didn't want to go back into the apartment and I had no idea where I could go.

"Ow, okay. It's probably just sprained, Bella," I rambled to myself. My voice was low, but it echoed in the large, empty parking garage. "Okay, okay, just think." I felt around my pockets for anything, keys, a phone, some mouth refreshing gum.

Nothing.

Oh, I really didn't want to end up going back into that apartment to face Mike. Looking at his face just made me want to drop kick him. There really is a fine line between love and hate. My relationship with Mike baffled me. I'd never been friends with him in high school. I never even spoke to him in high school.

I stood facing the far, east wall of the parking garage, thinking about him. He had been a shy kid in high school. I'd never even heard of him until our junior year in gym class. He'd pole-vaulted the highest in our whole year. I'd hurdled the fastest, despite my clumsy tendencies. I suddenly felt hands on my hips and soft breath at my ear. Fingers barely brushed my sharp hips. I'd lost weight since I was eighteen, but even in these past few days, I'd noticed some weight loss. My bones protruded in places that used to have subtle, soft curves. My body tensed, and I pulled my elbow roughly back into the intruder behind me. I heard the soft breath leave the lungs it belonged to, and a low groan.

"Jesus, Bella," Mike whispered behind me. I didn't even turn around to look at him. I was a little bit embarrassed, and still mad at him, at everything. I could hear him try to approach me again.

"Don't, Mike. Leave me alone." I saw his hand reach out for my injured hand. "Seriously, don't, or I'll punch a hole in your face." His hand automatically recoiled at my seething tone. It stung him. I'd been on the receiving end of that tone with my mother before. I knew exactly how his stomach twisted at my words.

"Bella," he crooned, trying to get me to calm down without his touch. I didn't answer. "Please, let me see your hand. You had to have hurt it." His shadow fidgeted on the wall before me. I still didn't turn around. "Bella, please let me help you," he whispered. "All I want to do is take care of you." My resolve melted as the words drifted to me. "Please, let me." I didn't know what to say. Silence hung in the air like the humidity in the south. It clung to my clothes and my hair, weighing me down, making me more tired than I already was. Today, I'd been confused, kissed, angry, more confused, sad, even more confused, and then angry again. I was just exhausted.

"Okay," I sighed, but I couldn't let myself face him yet. Resentment lingered under my skin at a low boil. He reached out and grazed my shoulder with the tips of his fingers.

"Bella?" I sighed loudly.

"Just… give me a few minutes, Mike. I'm having a hard time with," I gestured around me, "all of this." He didn't say anything for a minute or two before I heard him sigh and leave me alone.

Alone.

What a familiar thing for me to be the past few days.

I really wasn't alone. I mean, I had Mike and Alice and my family at least, but I felt like only I knew the real me. Alice was a great friend and seemed to know me, but I didn't know. I just knew that I definitely knew me.

A hand suddenly grabbed my left shoulder and spun me around.

"Ow, ouch, ouch," I repeated, but the culprit's fingers continued to dig into my skin. I looked up quickly.

"M-Mike?" I stuttered. His eyes were angry. They didn't seem to belong to him. He clung tightly to my shoulder. "Stop, ouch, you're hurting me," I pleaded lightly, but he didn't let go. He looked hypnotized, lost in some dark corner of the world. His fingers seemed like they were digging for China, they hurt so bad. His nails were definitely breaking skin. I couldn't breathe for a good two minutes as my mind worked itself around what was happening. Mike had been so soft and gentle just ten minutes ago. I was about to cry before I made a sound. "Mike, stop!" I yelled, finally finding my courage, and ripped myself out of his grasp. He staggered back and shook his head, his brows dipping toward the center of his face.

"Bella! Oh, no, I'm so sorry!" His voice was high-pitched, and wavering. I lust stared at him, eyes wide, mouth ajar. He rubbed both of the heels of his palms into his eyes and dragged them down. I think he realized that I wouldn't be speaking anytime soon, because he started to leave. "I'm… I'm going to take a walk..." I didn't even nod. He just left.

What the fuck was that?

I wandered, dazed, back into the apartment. Holy guacamole. Part of my mind still lingered in the parking garage with Mike, part of it was still hospitalized, and part of it was with Edward. I didn't know what I was doing when I picked up the home phone and dialed a number.

"Isabella?" Edward's voice was low and meek, unsure. His number was the only one I knew was on the Caller I.D. I held my breath a measure, anticipating what to say, but I sob broke through instead. Tears plowed over my cheeks and rained off my chin as I gave in to broken, dry sobs. "What's going on? Bella? Hello?" Edward questioned, but I couldn't find any words. After a few minutes of trying to get me to talk, he settled to just listen to my sobs and whisper encouragement. "It's okay," he repeated a few times. I didn't know what was wrong with me. All I could do was cry. I'd never been in a situation like that. I'd never been terrified like that before. That wasn't like any scary movie I'd ever seen. His eyes were so hard and dark. He looked… monstrous for those few minutes that seemed to span for hours.

"Is it Mike?" he whispered, his voice hoarse and tight. I nodded into the phone, not caring that he couldn't see me. My sobs became even more broken as Edward said his name.

"Yes," I got out between sobs. Edward didn't say anything. He was silent for so long that I thought he'd hung up. "Hello?" I sought out as my sobs dissipated. I heard some rustling on his end.

"I'm here," he answered in a soft voice. I relaxed into the couch. "What… What did he do?" He seemed to struggle with the words. I tightened my eyes as I thought about relaying what had happened in the parking garage to him. I couldn't just tell him what had happened. I began to dry my tears. That was… private. And what if Mike found out? He'd be incredibly embarrassed. Sometimes people get caught up in their feelings. I had just punched a hole in the wall of the den, after all. My tears were entirely gone, my sobs a distant echo. I sniffled, the only sign he could tell that I'd just been wailing to him over the phone.

"Nothing," I whispered nonchalantly. "We just got into a," I struggled with a word to describe what had happened without totally lying, "… little fight. I was overwhelmed. I mean, I get frustrated so easily…" It technically wasn't a lie. "I'm just not used to this, and… You're number is the only one I know, so…" I let my sentence trail off. Edward grunted on the other end.

"Is that really all, Isabella? You go into a fight?" He asked. He didn't sound convinced. I nodded vehemently, as if that could help my case.

"Yes," I whispered before hanging up. I lifted myself off the couch and made my way to the closest mirror. My eyes were swollen, of course. They sat on dark pouches of skin. I suddenly had the urge to put on make up to cover my weakness. I didn't want Mike to see me like this.

I wandered into the kitchen and found some tea bags in a clear, glass jar next to the toaster. What an odd place for tea bags. I grabbed a glass, ignoring the pain that exploded in my hand, filled it with ice, and then filled it with water. I took out four and tea bags and let them soak underneath the ice. A few anxious minutes later, I brought the glass with the four chilled tea bags to the coffee table and lay down. I took two of the tea bags, rested one on each eye, and began to drift off into sleep once again.

I awoke to find the two tea bags still strategically placed on my, hopefully, now normal sized eyes. They were still chilled, though. I took them off my face and went to replace them with the other two tea bags to find the glass missing, tea bags and all.

"You're awake," Edward breathed from behind me. My body jumped. I shrink into the couch.

"What're you doing here? And where are my tea bags?" I glanced quickly around at the adjoining rooms to see if Mike was home. I couldn't see him. Edward looked panic-stricken, before settling a seemingly harmless glare my way.

"You hung up on me," he accused. I shrugged. His eyes softened. "I thought something happened to you… I thought, well, I thought maybe Mike got to you or something," he rambled. "I was worried." I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. "And I replaced your tea bags half an hour ago," he explained. I blushed at his kindness, but remembered his worry.

"Why would you worry? He's my husband," I defended, very aware that he was moving to sit next to me on the couch.

"Isabella, I know," he said, ominously. I reeled for a moment with the meaning that his words could hold. I inhaled a short gasp.

"You know what, Edward?" I asked, praying that he wasn't insinuating what I thought he was.

"About Mike," he whispered. "About his… temper," he scoffed. He reached up and brought his hand to the red imprints of Mike's fingertips on my shoulder. I tilted my head slightly, allowing his feather-like touch to brush my skin. His hand lingered and his eyes gazed into mine. I shrugged away from his hand, but it only found my now injured hand. "… And yours," he murmured, delicately wrapping his long fingers around my fist.

"You know nothing," I snapped. Edward laughed. It was bitter and sarcastic. I stood up. He followed suit.

"No, Isabella," he replied curtly. "You know nothing." I let his words swim in my head for a few moments. They did the breaststroke from one end of my mind to the other, and I couldn't deny them. I felt the familiar sting of an onslaught of tears building behind my eyes, but only a few tears squeezed their way to the surface. I blinked them away.

"No, no, no, Isabella," Edward sighed, suddenly soft. He wrapped his hand around my head so that his thumb rested on my cheek, brushing away tears. I allowed myself to lean into his touch. I couldn't help myself after Mike's rough encounter. His thumb was suddenly on my bottom lip, pulling it out from beneath my teeth. "Don't bite your lip. It gives you chapped lips." I froze, blinking up at him, my brow furrowed.

"You're… right," I admitted, suddenly overwhelmed by his tenderness. He cautiously leaned into me, his eyes alternating from my eyes to my lips. My mouth opened slightly in surprise. His face inched closer and closer to mine until his forehead rested on mine. His mouth pushed toward mine, but pulled back when I didn't push back.

He tried again at a slower pace. I couldn't see anything but his eyes, his lips. I couldn't hear anything but his patient breath. I inched toward him this time, reveling in his gentle touch, so opposite Mike's. And just like that, his mouth replaced his thumb on my bottom lip, and he was kissing me… And I was kissing back.

This kiss was incredibly different from the one we'd shared earlier. It was very slow and caring and passionate. His tongue mingled with mine slowly and rolled around, He sighed into my mouth. I brought my injured hand up around his back. It didn't hurt anymore. I wasn't shaking or trembling. I wasn't nervous. I just was. I couldn't even think about anything other than this kiss.

I literally blocked everything out and just focused on Edward. Mike didn't exist. This apartment didn't exist. I didn't exist. Only Edward did.

But then he pulled back for just a second to breathe and everything came back to me.

"What? What's wrong?" Edward asked, taking in my horror. I took a step back from him.

"I can't… Why would you do that?" I stuttered. He went to move toward me again, but I took another step back. "No," I asserted. "No, that was so… wrong." He smirked at me and crossed his arms.

"It felt kind of right to me. It's the only thing that's felt right for me in a long time," he confessed. His eyebrows shot up. "And I bet it's the only thing that's felt right for you, too," he accused, taking another step toward me. I didn't move back this time. I didn't know what to believe. He was right. It had felt right, but I couldn't really have a clue as to what was right in my life anymore. I was still only eighteen in my head. His hand came up to cup my face again, but froze at another man's voice.

"Bella?" Mike yelled from outside the apartment door. "Bella, can you open the door? I left my keys inside." My eyes widened and I froze, panic seeping into every inch of my body. Edward seemed incredibly calm, though. He smiled that crooked smile and let his hand cup my face. He kissed me softly.

"Well, aren't you going to answer that?" he whispered in my ear. I shivered and balked. "Don't worry. Just go," he said before stealing away from me. I was frozen in place, staring at the spot he was just in, so I didn't see where he went.

"Bella!" Mike called out. "Shit," he muttered. I shook my head and blinked rapidly out of my frozen stupor before making my way to the door. I couldn't remember locking it. Edward must have.

I opened the door to find Mike walking away, but he must've heard me because he turned around and jogged toward me. He didn't hesitate before pulling me into his embrace.

"God, Bella, I'm so sorry," he murmured into my hair. I didn't wrap my uninjured arm around him. "Bella, please talk to me." I didn't say anything. "I just God so carried away. You were angry at me and you wouldn't listen to me," he explained. "I just wanted to fix you." I wrapped my uninjured arm around his torso when his voice broke. "All I ever do is for you."

I cleared my throat. "It's okay," I croaked. His hands grabbed my shoulders. I winced, but he didn't seem to notice.

"No, it's not okay. But I'm going to make it okay, Bella. I promise." He grabbed my hand and dragged me into the house. I looked around quickly to see if I could see Edward anywhere. I couldn't. He stopped just inside the bedroom door. "I hurt you, right?" he asked. I wasn't sure if he was expecting an answer, but I nodded.

"Yeah…"

"Well, now I'm going to make you feel good," he stated before pulling me further into the bedroom. "I'm going to make you feel so good." His eyes became dark, different from the darkness I'd seen before. This time his eyes were dark with lust.

Only one thought came to my mind as he gently pushed me down onto the bed.

Edward was in the house somewhere.

**A/N: Oh, hey, guys. Don't mind me. I'm just sitting here feeling guilty. I've got a lot of time this summer, so we'll see what happens.**

**Review for a preview.**

**And please don't hate me.**

**-E**


	11. The Handbook

**A/N: So, only one comment for the last chapter. I feel terrible. I guess I'm starting from scratch because it's been so long. How was everyone's weekend? I was on a yacht for my friend's mom's memorial 50th birthday. She passed away this past November. Anyway, I hope you guys like this new chapter. It's a bit short.**

I glanced quickly around the room.

No Edward.

Where was he? My mind was buzzing with the possibilities. Maybe he'd slipped out of the apartment when we got away from the door. Why was he even here in the first place? He'd come because he'd thought Mike had "gotten to me?" What the fuck did that mean? What happened between Mike and me had nothing to do with him… even though I called him. He'd said he knew. He was talking about Mike, I suppose, but did that mean that Mike did that kind of thing often? Was Mike abusive?

The way he was looking at me right now didn't make it seem that way. His eyes were all over me, drinking in the sight of me on the bed beneath him. He looked like an alcoholic. I was his drink of choice. He placed his hand on my thigh and let it travel up my body, to my hip, my ribs, the side of my breast, before settling in the crook of my neck. I couldn't really figure out what to do. I was still thinking about Edward. He had to be somewhere. I was on a mission to find him.

I propped myself up on my elbows and let Mike suck on my neck so I could get a good look behind him. My eyes immediately went to the open door, waiting for Edward to pass by. I stared for a few minutes, but I didn't see him. Mike went to move for the other side of my neck, so I altered my position for him, giving me a full view of the inside of the closet.

Bingo. I grabbed Mike's head in surprise, and he took that as a good sign. He brought his head further down my body to the swell of my breasts. Edward stood in the shadows of the closet, grasping onto one of the sleeves of Mike's suit jackets. His eyes bore into mine. I couldn't look away. Suddenly, Mike pulled one of my bra cups and started to occupy himself with my breast. All I could see was Edward, and it was hot. I moaned. Edward's forehead creased. I continued to stare right at him. He put on a wicked smirk.

"Mike," I whispered. He didn't answer. I was still staring at Edward, but his smirk had vanished, abracadabra. "Mike," I croaked, a little bit breathless. He hummed into my chest. I bit my lip. "Please stop." He halted what he was doing and gazed up at me. His body oozed arrogance.

"You seemed to like it," he smirked. I had the urge to roll my eyes, but I realized that I really did like it. Well, I wasn't entirely sure my liking it had much to do with Mike.

"Yeah," I murmured, "but I can't do this right now." He started placing small kisses on my chest. I saw movement in my peripheral vision. Edward was making his way to leave. I'd had to pull out the big guns. I let my body fall limp beneath Mike's, and my eyes flutter closed. Mike's movements ceased immediately. I felt his figure creep up my body.

"Bella?" he tried, worry evident. "Bella!" he yelled, pulling himself up to kneel in front of me. "Bella, wake up! Open your eyes!" I felt a light tap on my cheek and let my eyes fly open, gasping for breath like a newborn baby. Edward was hovering by the door. I glared at him and nudged my head in the direction of the door. Go already, Edward. He still lingered.

"Woah, head rush," I croaked, sliding my gaze to Mike and trying to find a good excuse for my apparent fainting. Mike slammed his open palm into his head.

"God, I'm so stupid. I should've known that you wouldn't be able to do this so soon," he berated himself. I go see some of his internal struggle, as if his earlier behavior hadn't let me in far enough. He was going down hard recently, and I questioned whether or not I was to blame. "Okay, okay, let's get you some water." Edward's eyes widened and he froze. I grabbed Mike's face and pulled him into me for a kiss. His mouth was open, so I let my tongue slip in and kissed him like I imagined that I would kiss my husband in the throes of passion. It wasn't bad on his part. He played the role quite actively, actually. I opened my eyes just in time to see Edward make a stealthy exit.

"No," Mike insisted, pushing me away rather dramatically. I almost expected him to bring his forearm to his forehead and whisper 'don't look at me.' He didn't, but I amused myself with the thought. "I don't want you to get hurt or anything… again." He pushed himself of the bed and onto his feet. "I know I'm irresistible, but at least try to keep your hands off," he admonished, leaving the room to get some water. I hoped Edward made it out of the apartment in time. I rolled my eyes and chuckled. This Mike was so entirely different from the one earlier today.

Crisis averted.

I looked at the clock. It was already nine o'clock. I decided to look through the booklet that Mike gave me earlier. I opened onto the contents page.

"Ah, getting some reading done?" Mike taunted as he strolled into the room with a glass of water in hand. "Anthony put ice in it. I hope you don't mind." He put the glass down on a coaster on the nightstand. I wondered why Mike couldn't get the glass of water himself. Power hungry, much? "I'll leave you to it. I have some work to do." He kissed the top of my head and left. I began to read again.

_Contents_

_Food and Exercise..… Page 3_

_Work and the Workplace..…... Page 13_

_Sexual Relationship…. Page 25_

_Your Husband…. Page 32_

_Your Husband's Family….. Page 56_

_Previous Health Issues of Isabella Swan…. Page 63_

My heart thrummed in my chest. I chuckled at the most obvious gap between the 'Your Husband' chapter and the 'Your Husband's Family' chapter. He sure liked to talk about himself. I was curious about the chapter about my 'previous health issues.' If I hadn't had any serious ones, I don't think he would bother to put it in there. I opened the hand booklet to page twenty-five, and delved into reading about my apparent life.

_Sexual Relationship_

_ Isabella Swan and Mike Newton have engaged in sexual activity dating back to February 15, 2006, one month and three days before they began to date. Much has escalated since then with Isabella's duty as a wife and Mr. Newton's duty as a husband._

I stopped reading. It was too hard not to laugh at a third person encounter of our sexual relationship. I couldn't believe my eyes. And he remembered the exact date that we first started a 'sexual relationship' when we were dating? That was creepy. I tried to get my dates in the right places. He'd told me at the hospital that he'd proposed to me on my twentieth birthday. I turned twenty on the eighteenth of June in two thousand and six, which meant that we'd been dating for only, what, five months before he proposed? And he'd said that we were married that Christmas. We hadn't even been together for a full year! My mind buzzed with this information. From what I can remember, I hadn't been one to rush into things… especially marriage! My eighteen-year old self wasn't even sure that she wanted to get married.

Things had changed quickly. I didn't want to read any more of that, so I flipped back to page three.

_Food and Exercise_

_ Isabella Swan always maintains a healthy diet and rigorous exercise routine. Her meals usually consist of or are variations of the following:_

_Breakfast- soy products/tofu meats, egg whites, fresh fruits, and a green protein shake specifically tailored for her nutritional and dietary needs (everything in moderation)._

_Lunch- six cherry tomatoes, six celery sticks, four carrot sticks, and half a cup of smashed avocado; or boiled and halved egg whites (no yolk) filled with smashed avocado with lime juice; or low-sodium tomato soup (all served with soy milk, water, or a blue protein shake tailored specifically for her nutritional and dietary needs)._

_Dinner- half of a grilled chicken breast, a cup of boiled spinach with lemon, and a baked potato; or a grilled turkey breast and two cups of mixed vegetables (all served with either water or a blue protein shake tailored specifically for her nutritional and dietary needs)._

_Dessert (optional)- non-fat vanilla frozen yogurt with strawberries; or non-fat vanilla yogurt with strawberries._

_Snacks (optional between all meals)- a slice of flax bread with low-fat organic peanut butter; or two slices of American cheese; or three slices of turkey breast._

_ These are the dietary indulgences Mr. Newton has observed of Isabella in the years of their marriage. If Isabella wishes to deviate briefly from these restrictions, she may._

I put the book down. This was how I lost all of that weight. I don't know why I would do that to myself. I did love avocado, but I sure as hell ate more than half a cup in one sitting. What could've possibly happened to me to make me feel the need to restrict my eating habits? I wondered briefly if Mike, or Mr. Newton, had anything to do with it.

I looked at the clock. It was almost ten already. I put the hand booklet of my life and tossed it onto the nightstand with the water that I hadn't even taken one sip out of.

I tried to sleep for a little while, but found myself failing miserably. I got up and went into the den, leaving the lights out as they were so Mike wouldn't realize that I was up and about. When I got into the den, my eyes went straight to the hole the size of my fist in the wall. I almost expected it to have been fixed by now, but I guess Mike has been… busy.

"It's very impressive," a soft voice observed from behind me. I gasped and clutched my throat.

"Edward, what the hell are you doing in here? How did you even get in here?" I questioned, taking in the sight of his beautiful moonlit face. Blood pumped heavily through my body. The hair on the back of my neck stood on edge. He smiled deviously, a dark look flashing across his face. I took a step back.

"I never left," he confessed, taking another step toward me.

**A/N: Review for a preview of the next chapter, and HEY- I started a new story. It's called Snap. Check it out!**

**-E**


	12. Know Me

**A/N: Took a bit long, but I'm here. I've been working on my new story a lot. It hits close to home, so I can write more freely. ***So, I don't want to give much away, but I'll remind all of you that this is rated M for a reason (or a lot of reasons). That's all. Enjoy. :)**

Who Am I?

Chapter 10: Know Me

BPOV

"E-Edward," I stuttered, "you should leave." He sat down and put his head in his hands between his legs.

"Bella, I don't know what to do." He shook his head, his hands clenching his ears. "This is harder than I thought it would be," he admitted. I scoffed.

"What? Your stupid conquest of your boss's wife?" I sneered, forgetting any pretense of kindness he'd previously displayed. "Are you upset to find out I wasn't as easy as you hoped, that I'm not a fast lay? The few days I've been back too long for you?" Edward's head slammed into the air, followed by the rest of his body.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he snarled, glued to his spot before me. I just stared at him, my eyes hopefully glaring. I couldn't be sure what my body did when he was around. "You... You kissed me back," he accused. His eyes scrutinized my face with an intensity that made me want to cry. I looked away. "Why... You..." he mumbled before letting his head fall back, hands muffling his voice. "Why are you doing this to me?" he asked the ceiling, scrubbing his face free of dead skin cells.

"Why are _you_ doing this to _me_?" I shot back. His gaze snapped back to mine and he stepped to remove the space between us.

"Because I love you," he admitted. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you," he confessed. I stared at his mouth. Those words were coming from the wrong lips, but they felt so right. Then again, what girl didn't like being told she was loved, especially from someone as attractive as the man in front of me?

"Bullshit," I tried to call his bluff, desperately wanting to be right and wrong at the same time. He took one step toward me and cocked his head.

"Isabella," he began, his eyes gliding across the silhouette of my darkened features. The den was still bathed in black. "What will it take? What will it take for you to believe me?" He took another step. I shrugged and darted my eyes around me, looking for something I might use against him if he got too physical... or maybe violent like Mike.

"I don't cheat," I answered him, boring a long look into his eyes. He let out a singular laugh, taking another step closer. He'd covered half the distance between us in those three strides.

"You know," he began, mirth clouding his eyes, "that's what you said the first time we made love." I shivered. 'Made love' wasn't the type of phrase I took lightly. "Back then, you'd been horrified at me... at us. You'd stormed around my room, looking for your clothes, when you turned to me and started crying. You kept sobbing 'I don't cheat' until I took you in my arms." He brushed one hand over his arm, feeling the supposed memory of me in his arms that he conjured for me. It sounded like something I would do, but it couldn't be. I closed my eyes, hoping to recollect something of the same memory, but found nothing. "I tried to rationalize it for you, but there wasn't much I could say. Back then I had no clue about Mike. I'd just started working at the office a few months before." I opened my eyes to his shaking head. He was closer to me now, plotting out his strides strategically.

"I'm married," I breathed, knowing my words would make no difference to him. I had to put it out there. The words hung in the air. Edward just kept talking. He was right in front of me now.

"You got used to us, though, and started to get comfortable." He took my left hand and started playing with my wedding and engagement rings, spinning them around before taking them off and dropping them on the floor. They collided on the wood with a loud, echoing ping in the quiet room. "Every time we'd finish making love, you'd kiss my chin before rolling away from me." He grasped his chin. "Every time," he confirmed. "Right there." He reached to find the right spot below my lips.

"Stop," I whispered, bringing my hands up to push him away. I wasn't going to sink again. I wasn't going to fall for his games anymore. He stood there, just inches away from my face, drinking me in. He stepped back and brought his hand down to the side of my stomach, staring, his expression unreadable. His thumb grazed back and forth. His touch made me tingle. I stiffened.

"I," he started, taking a moment to breathe. "I'll never stop."

"Edward," I began, thinking my words through. "You're so...," I struggled to form words I'd learned to say twenty years ago. He was confusing, frustrating, sweet, manipulative, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything. Edward's brow pulled together. He still stared at my stomach. "Tell me about myself," I challenged, raising a brow. He still wasn't looking at me. His lips began to move.

"Your favorite color is lavender; your favorite food is spaghetti; your weakness is a slice of pecan pie; you always sleep on the left side of the bed; you swear like a sailor; you've read Wuthering Heights and Pride and Prejudice a million times, but you love reading trashy novels for your own amusement; you like to walk to the wildlife refuge and sit on the log bench near the aviary just to listen to the birds while you read; you could live on cheese, all kinds of cheese: mozzarella, cheddar, jack, even Limburger; you're not a very good driver, even though you'd defend yourself to the grave; you've been trying to knit a sweater for me, but failing miserably; your favorite animal is a koala." He paused to take a breath, but I brought his head up to look him in the eyes. He was crying. I hadn't even realized.

"Stop," I whispered again. It was an impressive display of knowledge. I tried to sift through what he told me to determine what was real, what a lover would know of another lover. He kept going, this time looking straight into my eyes.

"You want to have three kids, so you can love the middle child the most; you can't stand pickles; you've always wanted a younger brother; you love me; we've been together for almost a year and you still think I don't love you as much as you love me; you like to be called Isabella because your biological father called you 'Bella' as a child," he whispered. My mind was dizzy. He took a deep breath before continuing. "You hate your biological father because he ran off on you and your mom, so you married the first guy you thought would never leave you." I gasped and started to process everything he'd just said. It all took on new meaning when he mentioned my biological dad. It was all true. I couldn't recall some of it, like the aviary or the sweater, but most of it was me... the eighteen year old girl who jumped off a cliff to be free, who kept a rusty truck because it had character, who read books like Wuthering Heights and Pride and

Prejudice for fun, who was afraid of being abandoned. It sounded exactly like me, but why could've happened that I'd gotten so desperate with Mike? Edward just stared at me.

"I... I've never told anyone about my dad," I whispered, tears leaving salty trails down my face. Edward's hand traveled up the side of my stomach and cupped my face.

"I know." He didn't lean in to kiss me. He just stood there and stared. My head spun at his proximity. I stared at his lips.

I grabbed the collar of his shirt with my injured hand and pulled him to me, crushing his lips with my own. He didn't hesitate at all and slipped his tongue to meet mine. I pushed him back to the couch that he was sitting on when I came in. He stumbled back and fell onto the couch. I fell with him, not breaking the kiss, and straddled his lap. Our mouths found an easy pattern. I scraped his bottom lip with my teeth and rubbed myself into his lap.

"Ah," he groaned, and started kissing my neck. I rocked back and forth against his erection, flipping my head up to face the ceiling.

"Mm," I moaned and found his mouth again. I couldn't get enough of him. His confession was fueling my heat. His hands found my hips and helped guide my movements while his hips lifted to push into mine. My right hand left his hair and found the hem of my shirt, pulling it up and completely off with my arm sling. Edward's hands moved right under my bra to my breasts. I discarded that, too.

Our breathing was harsh, our moans virtually silent. His mouth would open and hiss when I'd expect a loud moan, like when I turned his body to lay down on the couch and ground into him. Even my sounds were muted. My moans were low, deep growls or high, squeaking hisses.

I started working the buttons on his pants with one hand while he pulled off his shirt. My hand lingered on his tent and his head leaned painfully into the couch. I pushed both his pants and boxers off at the same time, not bothering to ogle the size of him before pulling myself up to kiss him. I ran my hands over his sculpted stomach and chest as his hands unbuttoned my jeans. He was careful not to touch my broken arm. I ignored the burning in my hand. He used his feet to push my jeans off, and, with the lack of support, my hips fell into his erection. I rubbed my core into him and gasped.

"Good grief," He groaned. I brought myself up to suck on his earlobe.

"Isabella," he whispered, his hands gripping my back. "Are you sure about this?"

No. I nodded, too far gone to care about anything but him. "Yes," I gasped out, placing my injured fist on his chest and positioning myself right above his penis, moving around a bit to tease him.

"Oh, God, don't do that," he moaned, pulling his hand over his eyes. I giggled and pushed him into me slowly. My mouth opened and trembled as my walls slowly adjusted to him, pushing further and further apart for his size. Suddenly, Edward seized my body and carefully flipped us over so he was above me. He pushed the rest of the way into me roughly, and I bit down on his shoulder to muffle my sounds. We stayed that way for a few seconds, just panting.

"Go, go," I urged him, seeking friction. That set him off. He pulled himself almost all the way out and thrust into me once. I squeaked and let my head fall back onto the couch behind me. He started to thrust at a regular pace, letting me push up into him.

"Fu-ck," I stuttered in between thrusts. I couldn't think about anything but this feeling. My stomach was slowly burning and coiling. His head fell into the crook of my neck.

"Ah, huh, shit," he grumbled. He thrusts started to quicken, fueling the burn in the pit of my stomach. I scratched at his back, pushing him into me, still meeting him thrust for thrust.

"Oh, oh," I breathed out with each thrust. His hand grasped my leg and pushed it up to lean against my chest. He thrust into me harder at this new angle, and I moaned loudly for once. He groaned and rocked into me even faster. "God, Edward," I gasped. "Ah, harder, faster," I pleaded, my voice shaking.

He grunted and dug his feet into the couch cushion for leverage to push harder.

The couch rocked and squeaked loudly under our movements. The coiling in my stomach tightened further, and I knew I was getting close. I started whispering his name with each thrust.

"I'm going to- I'm gonna," I tried to explain, but Edward claimed my lips with his just as the coil released and my head started spinning. My mouth opened, but no sound came out. My body started twitching, and Edward let out a grunt as he met his own release, emptying himself into me. His forehead leaned onto mine while he whispered my name, my full name. We both stilled and stayed like that for what seemed like hours, staring at each other.

"That was... I..." I let my sentence fall, knowing he'd know what I meant. He nodded slowly and pulled himself out of me.

"You should," he began, looking away from me, "You should go back to bed." My brows dipped. "Mike might wake up and go looking for you," he explained. My eyes widened as I remembered: I was married to Mike Newton and I'd just had sex with

Edward Cullen. My eyes started to burn with the realization of who I really was.

"I am a cheater," I sobbed, letting my tears pour through. Edward was next to me so fast that I felt a slight breeze.

"Isabella, please, don't do this to your self," he begged, brushing my tears away. "We've already been through this part." I shook my head, disgusted with myself. I'd married Mike for the wrong reasons and I'd been cheating on him. I couldn't believe who I turned out to be. This wasn't who eighteen-year old Bella wanted to be. She wanted to marry the love of her life.

"I'm a whore," I confessed, standing up to retrieve my clothing. Edward stood up with me and grabbed my good arm.

"If I ever hear those words come from your mouth again, I swear to God,

Isabella," he growled, pulling me into him. "You are anything but a whore." I shook my head against his chest and pulled myself away.

"No, no, I can't do this right now. I need you to go. I need to go to Mike. I need to think about this. This has gotten... so out of hand," I told him as I pulled on my clothes. He started pulling on his own clothes, never taking his eyes off of me. I looked away.

"I love you." He'd let some of his own tears trickle down his beautiful face. "Just please don't forget that," his voice broke. I couldn't look at him. How could I love anyone when I hated myself so much? He pulled my face to his and placed a chaste kiss on my lips before sulking out the door.

I waited until I heard the apartment door click shut before tiptoeing back into my bedroom and slipping under the covers to cry myself to sleep.

**A/N: She's confused. She's always confused. That was some lightly sweetened lemonade, wasn't it? Haha, I didn't want to douse all of you with sugar... unless you want to be. Tell me in your reviews.**

**Also, review for a preview of the next chapter AND don't forget to R&R my new story Snap, please.**

**Until next time,**

**Erin (erinjeni)**


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